A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, here's the problem, my boyfriends' best friend is a cheat. He's been dating this girl for 4 years and they've recently got engaged. Thing is everyone in our social group knows that this guy has cheated on his now fiance in the last 4 years. He's been seen out with other women, usues his male friends as cover when he's cheating, been caught sleeping with his ex girlfreind etc.His fiance found out about the ex-girlfriend and forgave him but she doesn't know about all the rest of the women. He tells other women he has a girlfriend but they're not serious and on the verge of breaking up (not at all true) Now he's engaged he's vowed he's a changed man (god knows). I think it's all going to hit disaster sounder or later , I don't want to be the one to tell her, do u think she should know?? and if so is there a way to tell her without her knowing it's me? or should I say nothing?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): cheaters very rarely change.
i think you need to tell her. even if it means anonomously. that way she would know what she is dealing with, and if she still chooses to be with him then it is her decision.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all replies guys , really appreciate it, some great angles, Yep the cheater guy says "he's changed since he got engaged", thing about it is , he's extremely sneaky and covert about his cheating, he has been seen by members of the group sneaking a girl from work into his parents house at 2am while his parents were away, (proof) , his fiance has trust issues anyhow and regularly checks his phone so he uses the other lads phones to arrange meetings with women (proof) and when he was away on a Stag with the lads he met a woman from work and went off with her. (proof), god knows what else he's doing really without the other lads knowing because he knows they dont approve so he hides it from them. I'm not sure what my motivation is , the Fiance's a nice girl but I'm not particularly close to her, I just think he's a rat and shouldn't get the chance to ruin this girls life. If it was me I'd like to know. They have a stormy relationship as it is and there's constantly a dramatic row going on and I think what a shame it's be if they have kids and put them in the middle of that mess and then it ends in disaster anyhow.... am still undecided...further help needed...x
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A
female
reader, princessofGod43  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 I believe that if there is an secretive way you can do it...then by all means but if not don't bother...because you will be in the middle ...they will get married anyway and maybe your other relationships will break up with you because you got involved...pray and maybe God will open her eyes but it is not your duty really!
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Wow..ok, here goes: He says he's a changed man? Is there evidence to support this claim? Leopards don't change their spots, usually. But men who make a lifestyle of whoring around have been known to clean up their acts now and again. Also, how close are you to his fiancée'? Are you good friends with her? If you're not her close friend with a vested interest in her well-being, then I'd say keep your nose out it. She'll have to learn her own lessons or someone else will clue her on the dog she's planning to marry. If your main concern is that this guy is virtually getting away with murder and he deserves being outed, then I'd question your true motivation in this. Is it really to "save" the fiancée the coming heartache or is it that this cheater-playa dude is a scumbag who needs his comeuppance? If you have a genuine caring for the girl, and you see the train coming at her then tell her,but have your facts straight and lined up...FACTS ONLY, not rumor or gossip or assumptions. If it's just to out the dirtbag then keep your yap shut. He'll hang himself, the dirtbags always do....often times these things can turn back on you making you the bad guy for trying to destroy someone's happiness. Be very careful. Be smart. Evaluate your true motivations in this. When in doubt, "Err on the side of Caution"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): I would definately tell her about it. Marraige is a big thing and if the foundation of their relationship isn't honest and strong, the marraige will never work in the long run. If you are a true friend and you really care about her you would tell her about it because she deserves to know. There is a couple ways you could tell her without her knowing. You could TYPE a letter and mail it to her, or you could get a few people from your group that feel the same way as you do and maybe invite her to one of your houses and have everyone sit down and tell her what is going on. If you are in a group she will be more likely to belive it because if just one person tells her denial may be a factor. Also if you are in a group you can all take turns telling her that way not just one person is telling her. Having a few of her friends with her when she finds out will be good for her because then right away she has a support group to help her get through the tough times.
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