A
male
age
51-59,
*arkheniz
writes:Hi this is my first time to this site and I need some insight on my relationship. I have been dating my younder girl friend for 9 months now (she is 24) I am 39, I am a divorced father of 1. I started dating her before my divorce was final , although I was separtered from my wife for a full year before I met my current girl friend. Her parents have been open about their thoughts on us. They dont like the fact that I was legally still married when we met or the age difference. I want to ask her to marry me for eastet which is also her 25 birthday, but we will be spending it with her family. Should I tell her parents my intent or just let them all find out the moment see does?
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male
reader, markheniz +, writes (18 March 2009):
markheniz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I asked her to marry me I couldnt wait until easter so I did it yesterday and she said YES, last night we went out to her parents house so we could tell them in person, They were shocked but seemed happy, her mom talked to her privatly tell her that marrying me meant being connected to my daughter and ex wife forever and she said she could handle all of it. Now I guess its planning time.
A
male
reader, markheniz +, writes (16 March 2009):
markheniz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand this seems fast but we connected right away and moved in with each other after only 3 months, Everyone said that was to soon yet everything has been perfect so far. Thanks you for the advice and I will keep you posted.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 I think emilysanswers is right on this one, it is a little too soon to be proposing and getting married. So if you do propose as you have planned, then this will be another thing to turn her parents even more against you! Why are you in such a rush to get re-married? After a divorce it should make you more cautious about marriage rather than wanting to rush straight into another one!
9 months is not long enough to know everything about a person, nor is it long enough to be sure that you can spend the rest of your life with that person. why not just move in together (if you have not already done so) as this shows a commitment rather than making an overwhelming romantic gesture like proposing. Or what about a promise ring as you call them in America? That would be an amazing birthday present, it will show your commitment to her yet at the same time it shows patience and maturity in your thoughts (it will show her parents too that you are not rushing your relationship).
But if you really must propose, then yes I think you should do the old fashioned thing of asking her father for permission. It will be scary and there is a strong chance he will say no, but at least you are being upfront with them and courteous towards their feelings. If you dont tell them first then they will think of you as being disrespectful and selfish. They will think that you are determined to do whatever you want without any thought towards their feelings, and that is not a good start with your future in-laws!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 March 2009):
I think it's a bit old fashioned but it would really REALLY be a good idea to go up to see her family for a couple of days and in that time to take her dad out and buy him a few beers.
Then just tell him your past, how your marriage ended, how much you love his daughter etc etc etc. Get him on side. Make him see that you are a decent guy and you don't just want his little girl as wife number 2.
They want her to be happy and they are just going to be worried that you'll do the same thing to her in a few years when you want to trade her in for a younger model.
Once you've got him on side, ask his permission to marry her.... if you really think that is a good idea. You could also say that you see yourself marrying her one day, and just see how that goes down.
I really think that 9 months is not long enough to have been with her to propose. Most relationships last 3 years and then the feelings die so if you rush into this then she really will just be wife number 2.
Why can't you wait a little longer? Show everyone (and her) that you are serious and not just swooping in on a young woman to tie her down with a marriage and have her doing your washing.
I mean you haven't even been divorced for a year so how is she going to feel when you say you want to hurry up and replace your old wife with a new one?
Take your time. If you have the rest of your lives together then why dash to the final contract signing. Enjoy the dating, the moving in, the engagement, and then the wedding. It's a process, not a race.
Good Luck!! xx
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