A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a good friend named Jenny who is in a long term relationship who I'm in love with. I'm single and we hang out a lot because her boyfriend lives the other side of the country. I've had a crush on her for a long time but just recently my feelings have gotten really strong, to the point where now I think about her constantly and I actually feel worse then when I was dumped by my last love. We're already that close that all of our friends think we already are secretly seeing each other. I also don't think that this is a one way thing because she drops hints like telling me she gets jealous when I talk to other women, telling me about dreams in which her and I are running away from her boyfriend and other stuff like that.She also complains about her boyfriend to me and obviously I am biased but he really doesn't care enough about her and it just kills me to see her with him. Anyway, so I'm thinking of coming clean to her and telling her how I feel. I'm just scared of rejection and losing a friend, however I really don't think i can go on being just friends because I'm starting to get really depressed with the current situation and it's just not healthy.And just for the record, getting out there and meeting other women is hard for me, because I am ludicrously bad at talking to women for the first time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I have to tell her sooner or later. Maybe next week.. :)
A
female
reader, EmoSmiles  +, writes (3 February 2009):
I Really think you Should tell her ,Becuase what if something happend to her tomarrow and She felt the same way , But You Never truly Got to tell her how you felt . and you'll never know becuase she doesnt think she has the oppsion of you and him.
Best Of Luck
Love Chelsea.
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (2 February 2009):
 Omg what a predicament!!!! i would reccomend that you dont confess your love just yet... and take a serious look at this woman. I know you really wont want to hear this, but why is she flirting with you if she is in a LONG TERM relationship? surely if it was as bad as she is making out she would have left him. At the end of the day, i dont think any one on this site is going to change your ultimate desicion, and i hope whatever route u choose works for you. maybe you should wait and see what she does with her boyfriend first..... it could save heart ache later... for example, if you did end up dating, would you be worried that she was flirting with other men the way she is flirting with you now?
I know when your loved up it can be hard to look at a persons faults, but try this age old advice: write a list of the good and bad points of this woman (everyone has good AND bad points), read it really carefully with an open mind, then throw it away and follow your heart.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (2 February 2009):
 It's a difficult question, as you said you have a bias opinion. But if she has dropped those kind of hints it may be worth telling her how you feel. Also it is not fair to her not realising that you love her. Girls like having guys as best friends who they can moan to about their other half's, but do not want a relationship with. I really think telling her how you feel and find out how she reacts will be the fairest way to deal with things. At least that way she knows how you feel and it is then up to her how to deal with it.
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A
female
reader, wishfulxalways  +, writes (2 February 2009):
 From what you've said, it seems that she feels the same way. I've been down that road before and I know that I wanted the guy to tell me! Everyone always talks about ruining the friendship and rejection but if you don't tell her then you'll never know. That's the biggest mistake you could make. It's horrible to regret something. There's always some excuse. Someone has to make the first move! Who knows what could happen. She could dump her boyfriend and you guys could live happily ever after. Hope I helped and best of luck to you always :).
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