A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!Basically, I was dating a guy around 9 months ago whilst me and my then ex boyfriend, now boyfriend were figuring things out. We have now been together 5 years and after a family members death we hit a rough patch!Anyway, I met this guy on a holiday and he literally pestered me non stop when I returned home! I ignored his facebook messages due to being in a relationship at the time, but when my relationship ended he persuaded me to give him a chance! I went on a date with him and soon realised my gut instinct was right, we were two very different people and I just wasn't ready to move on from my boyfriend! Im a staff nurse and think I am quite mature for my age due to my occupation, this guy on the other hand is 24 lives at home, sold his car for a lads holiday and now cant afford to buy another one, has been kicked out of numerous university's so is now just playing football locally. Hes very immature for hi age.I did not tell him all this when I declined a second date, I simply said we were not very similar. He continued to ring me when he was drunk, text me constantly but I just politely responded to say I wasnt interested and eventually ignored the messages.However, around two months ago I received a facebook message off a girl I had never met. I was back in a relationship at this point and had been for a few months. The message was very nice and polite and basically said she had been seeing this particular boy and he had told her from the start he was dating myself as well as her. She said he has said he didnt want to settle down so was seeing us both. I WAS NOT seeing him at this point and we hadnt spoken for months. Anyway, the message then went on to say that he had spoken to her about them being more 'serious' and she was messaging me to double check that we were no longer dating as she didnt want us both to be played by this guy. She was very sweet and lovely and genuinely seemed like she didnt want to hurt anybody, I dont know her but I just got that feeling from her message. I didnt want to cause trouble and thought she should be able to make her own opinion on this guy, so i didnt tell her about his twist on the truth and instead said ' I have a boyfriend now and we havent dated or spoken for a long time, so thanks for the message anyway'This weekend I went to a festival and who should I happen to see? This guy. He came over and started chatting asking me about my relationship and said he was now in a relationship with that girl, we then went our separate ways. Late on that night he came to my tent very drunk and clearly on drugs. He then started shouting at me saying that the only reason he had entered into a relationship was too get a reaction out of myself and make me jeaous. I asked him if he had taken drugs and he replied with a smug 'yes'. I said he clearly didnt pay that much attention to myself when he did date me as I completely disagree with drugs, as my job often involves picking the pieces up after a young person has taken drugs for fun. He then stormed off to the tent next to us and started kissing this random girl whilst staring at me, I ignored this and carried on my night.He then came out of her tent and over to my group with this girl and started to brag about having sex with her. Then turned to me and said 'realise what your missing yet?' To which I replied 'More like thinking I had a lucky escape from you, your poor girlfriend'To which he said 'I couldnt give a F**k about her, shes nothing but a spare part'. Now my dilemma, what would you do?Part of me doesnt want to get involved but the other part of me feels so sad for this poor girl. If this was my boyfriend I would want to know, but then I dont want her to think im trying to cause trouble by making up lies. I feel sad that she was so lovely to me to try and prevent either of us getting hurt, and now I havent returned the good deed. Help!
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drugs, drunk, facebook, immature, kissing, lives at home, move on, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (12 July 2014):
 Move on and let her look after herself. Maybe she goes for that type of man? If she wants to get involved that's her look out. Bear in mind she must have some inkling as to what he is really like as she has spent more time with him that you have and has already had to ask for clarification as to whether the two of you were together which should have set alarm bells off in her head. Besides, she didnt warn you of his potential behaviour did she?
If you make contact with her again and explain the reality she is unlikely to say "Oh right, sorry didn't realize, i'll dump him" More likely to say "F*** You! you jealous such and such!". Even if she takes it well HE wont be happy and next time he sees you will be a nightmare.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 July 2014):
 I understand why you want to tell her, but.. this would be a case of he said, she said.
He sounds like an utter loser. And a sore "loser" too. He wanted you but when you after one date didn't want him, he wanted you more (or maybe all he really wants is some kind of twisted revenge on you for NOT thinking he hung the moon?)
Either way, the guy is bad news. You sussed him out after ONE date. She will too. Even without your help.
I would NOT get involved. He will take it as YOU being jealous , not that you want to help her. Anything you tell her HE will try and twist.
Honestly, I'd IGNORE this guy from now on out. NEVER even talk to him if you run into him. If you feel you HAVE to be polite say hi and move away.
As for her. Again I understand you don't want to see her hurt, but it's HER life. And I seriously doubt she can't see through him.
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