A
female
age
26-29,
*ure_okay
writes:Hello, all! Recently, I have found myself falling for a good friend of mine. We've been friends for a little over a year, but we just got super close about 6 months ago. He had a girlfriend for a while, but she was terrible to him- he is such a great guy, and she was just a jerk. So she dumped him and he was heartbroken for a month or so but then realized he deserved better. Since then he's talked to a couple girls but nothing serious. A month ago I knew I liked him. And I was fairly certain he liked me back. He sent me random texts saying he missed me, he messaged me about my profile picture and used the heart-eye emoji which isn't something normal for him unless he likes a girl, and he compared me to this other girl he liked. Then at a party he begged me to get in bathing suit and swim with him. (I guess that could have been friendly, I dunno). But, we're about the same height, and I'm slightly heavier than him (I don't think it's embarrassing really, but I don't know about him). Also, until him I've identified as a lesbian. So now I'm really confused. And my friend asked him why he wouldn't potentially date me and asked if it was the size issue, and he said "no, it's not that at all. First of all, I don't wanna ruin the friendship but most of all, once you see someone as a lesbian for so long it's hard to unsee it." But I'm so drawn to him. I trust him wholeheartedly, he makes me laugh, I like his family, (and given the "gay" circumstances, I'm surprisingly- strongly attracted to him). He didn't rule out liking me, right? He just said he sees me as a lesbian. I know I shouldn't change myself for someone, and I still like girls, yes. But do you think there's a chance I could get him to not see me like that? Is it worth it? What should I do? Thank you.
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (19 July 2014):
 He feels comfortable with you, and I think he sees you as a good close friend. I have a sneaky feeling y ou could lose his friendship if you do pursue a relationship. It's up to you though, take a risk, or not but reading between your lines that's how I see it. He seems a nice guy and confides in you. A lot of guys don't even confide in the ones they are supposed to love so you are honoured in that respect. Good Luck
A
male
reader, thesj +, writes (11 July 2014):
First off, you shouldn't think of it as changing yourself. There is no reason to strictly adhere to your sexual identity unless you really want to. I identified as straight until my early twenties, but when I finally was comfortable and open minded enough to question it, I realized that I could be attracted to men, even if it is not as often as I am to women. I now identify as bisexual.
I always recommend honestly telling him how you feel. If he's a good friend, the worst that should happen is he would politely tell you he's not interested. If he says he's concerned about your sexual preference, let him know you had concerns as well but decided you wanted to explore the feelings you had.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck!
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