A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I would like some advices concerning asking a girl out how I have secretly had feeling for years. I’m very confused of what I should do next and not very good at flirting or reading women’s signals.The situation is I have known her for 10 year we attended the same university and stayed in the same halls at the time I was shy and spotty so did not have great confidence asking girls out. I liked her a lot then but before I had I chance to pluck up the courage to ask her out she got together we a friend of mien. So from that point I decided to say nothing as I’m not the type to try and course trouble and as a person I was happy for them they were both happy. Over the years we all stayed friend but even though I was looking at different women I still had feeling for her. The more she and me got to know each other the more we had in common. About 4 year ago I went threw a bad time and became depressed and deliberately isolated myself due to being left with a colostomy and a different women I thought there might have been a future with lead me on and seemed to enjoyed rubbing her later relationship with an ex friend in my face.The situation is I recently decided to make contact with the girl I had secretly loved for many years. 4 year had passed since I had seen her last and she is now single. I explained why I had not contacted her and other people due to being depressed and how the other girl used me. The response I got was very friendly and it seemed she had highlighted her surprise that I was not I gay. I think she thought I was. She had never asked about my sexual orientation. After the email we arranged to meet up. I decided I’d try and learn over the Internet how to flirt, as I would love to be more than just friend with her and had read that to change a friend into a lover you have to change the way you act towards her.Yesterday I went to see her I decided I’d try and touch her arm a number of times and also to keep eye contact and smile a lot and manly to be more confident. I thought I would all be awkward but the meeting was wonderful I made physical contact many more times than I thought and did the other entire things I’d planned. She laughed pretty much all the time and eye contact was good at one point It was awkward as we both stared at each other without saying anything for a long time, It was in a restaurant I wanted to kiss her but did not know if it was in my mind, I did not want to scare her, because I thought she might leave and not want to see me again. When we both went are separate ways, while in the past it was a quick kiss on the cheek, this time it was that but I held onto her for a long time, as I suppose I did not want to see her go.The thing is I don’t want to lose her from my life, but I cannot stand the idea of her dating a different guy as Id love to been in a relationship with her. I fear if I leave telling her how I feel to long, it’ll be too late, or if to early and it might freak hear out. My past luck with women is so poor I’m also afraid I might lose her completely. I’d be grateful for any advice of what action I should take next, as I feel the time apart give me a last chance of becoming more than just a friend.
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confidence, depressed, flirt, shy, the internet, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (27 February 2010):
Don't rush her, and don't confess a life long love- she may think you're stalking her. Take this naturally, date her, be close, see if she develops a physical attraction. find a good pace- don't rush, but don't wait forever either. Multiple dates a week if you can (2 or 3)- in no more than 4 to 5 weeks make the decision, maybe by then she'll have asked you to sleep over... don't make the mistake of become a guy friend... after 6 weeks this is where you're headed...
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