A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, need some work/relationship advice!!So I recently started working at my job a little over a month ago. One thing I love about this place is there are a lot of people my age and we're all motivated to work, but can still have a good time.Well there I've never dated a co-worker, but there is a guy here that I briefly had a thing with but somehow it went south. He's not normally my type but he was super nice and funny so I kind of started to be interested in him. I wasn't like head over heels into him, but I liked him enough to spend time with him and not do anything serious.He asked me out to the movies and it went well, we didn't even kiss, it was just a good time. But a few days later we did kiss and we would just make out every now and then and it was fun.But into the second week, he seemed like he was almost avoiding me at times, so I figured he wasn't into me as much and I didn't sweat it, I just went on with work and stuff. But then the next day, he told me he liked me and wanted to know if I liked anyone else aside from him. I said I liked him too and only him.Then later that night, we meet up because he wants to talk and he jumps in my car and starts kissing me, and saying he couldn't stop thinking about me, wanted to know what "we were" and even kept saying he loved me. I was surprised by all this.. Because I thought he didn't even like me anymore just the day before, and now he was saying he kind of wanted to be more serious. Before he leaves, he says he wants to take me out tomorrow and would call me.So the next day, I don't hear from him. I sent him a message, saw he read it but still no reply and I saw him posting videos on Snapchat out and about. So the next day at work, I asked him what happened and he acted confused and almost didn't even care. It wasn't a big deal to me, but his attitude was a turn off.He later says he feels bad about it and I just tell him we'll talk later.. When he comes to talk to me at the end of the day, he says he likes me but doesn't want anything serious and I'm making things more serious and he wants to just be friends. I was surprised but I was okay with that. The problem to me is, he had a huge lack of care when he said all this, and he made it as if I was crazy in love with him when he was the one who brought up all the serious stuff a couple nights before.. I never said I wanted anything more from him, it was him that jumped in my car to tell me he loved me and wanted a relationship, not me.. so it kind of bothered me and hurt my feelings a little.I feel kind of awkward today and I really just want to be cool with him because we work together we got along pretty good before all this.. But if he's lookin at me like I'm some obsessed girl, I'm not sure how to handle it. So my question is, should I talk to him today about it, or should I let the dust settle for now?
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at work, co-worker, kissing Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): Just as I said: "The gossip gets around, and everyone tries to figure-out "who did-it with who?!" It turns the workplace into a high school study hall. Suddenly they'll start to stiffen the rules and people will get fired."
Your workplace is not where you canoodle about looking for love-connections. You keep it all platonic and minimize off-premise socializing to brief group-outings or company-sponsored or paid-for events where all employees are invited.
I know exactly what happens in "laxed" business environments that has little structure and let their youngest employees run wild and free. The liability and the risk of sexual-harassment suits shoot through the roof. As you see, gossip starts. You'll get angry because you know he spilled his guts.
Let it roll off your back. Show no reaction and pretend nothing ever happened until this mess goes away. He gets the cold-shoulder. Just be cordial and businesslike.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 June 2017):
 Well, it could have been worse :)
And don't forget you could have kissed HALF the employees (if you wanted too) and it STILL wouldn't be the "nosy" coworkers business.
It's OK to say:"I like to keep my private life private."
Going with the "no" is fine too. Makes him look a bit daft which is exactly what he deserves...
Good for you for being aware of what this can do to your reputation and work environment and nipping drama in the bud.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone, thanks for the advice!So quick update: I haven't brought anything up to him since this all happened. I figured it was right to just let it die and not make matters worse. I figured he wouldn't talk to me and probably tried to avoid me but surprisingly, we have talked some, just not about what happened. He's asked to barrow my charger a few times and we've exchanged a few words but nothing much.. Still, I figured it was a good thing that we weren't being childish about it. However... The whole thing has now come back to bite me because another co worker pulled me aside and asked me if it was true that I had kissed him. All I could do was shake my head, because we both agreed not to say anything to anyone, and the only people I told were you all, so that let me know he told one or more people.. So I never get romantic with co workers, and did this one time and exactly what I didn't want to happen has happened, so I've learned a valuable lesson. Even so, I don't think I'll say anything to him about it. I'll bury this one and chalk it up to an experience. I'm just glad we didn't do anything else, which I think is what he wanted the entire time.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (31 May 2017):
The other aunts have given you great insights and I'll add just one thing: He undoubtedly feels some added "workplace pressure" in regard to having a romance with you. He knows that no matter how and where your relationship develops, you will be seeing each other every day. So that affects the level how much he wants to get involved with you. Some days he may feel like he wants a heavy involvement while other days he is right to be cautious. Chalk this one up to experience and try to avoid work place relationships from now on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2017): He's a tease. He's playing with your head, and wants to get you all stirred-up and confused. You first showed disinterest and nonchalance. His game is to turn that around.
It's a player's game. Get the girl dazed and confused; then she'll start vying for his approval and acceptance. Feed you a little sweet-talk, say the L-word, and see if you'll go for the bait. The objective, get you in the sack and make a smooth get-away. News to you, an old cliche to me.
Ignore him. He's full of himself; and just wants to make all the other guys think he's already tapped that. Show no emotions or reaction at work. Give him poker-face.
Sweetheart, keep the drama and soap opera episodes away from your job. That's the worst place to have boy-girl conflicts! It's where you earn your bill money.
The gossip gets around, and everyone tries to figure-out "who did-it with who?!" It turns the workplace into a high school study hall. Suddenly they'll start to stiffen the rules and people will get fired.
Just be yourself, do your job, ignore him, and tell him you're not interested.
If you are; I can say with little doubt, that you're wasting your time!!!
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A
female
reader, Lexine07  +, writes (30 May 2017):
He's playing the push and pull game. He pushes you away to pull you back in. I don't think he's getting the reaction he wants from you. N91 is right, it is unecessary workplace drama, stay far away from it. As for your coworker, I would act as if nothing ever happened between you guys. If he comes back at you again just tell him you'd would rather be/stay friends. Don't mention anything and continue being your friendly and open self!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 May 2017):
I agree, he is all fizz and no bang!
He wants YOU to be the one head over heels in love with him, and when you didn't react how he wanted he distanced himself. NOTHING you did wrong.
It's also easier to make THIS about YOU than himself.
He sounds insecure.
I think he also likes to play games. HEAD games.
So, if I were you I would AVOID being alone with him for a good while and KEEP conversations UTTERLY boring and platonic.
Next time you want to have fun with a guy, find someone you aren't working with.
No need to talk to him about what happened, he is going to deny it all in hopes that you start to doubt yourself. WHAT kind of moron does that? Who tells someone, OH I love you, I want a relationship, what are we? And then claims YOU said all that? That's ridiculous. HE is ridiculous!
Don't waste ANY more time on him (as a romantic option) and start treating him like ANY other coworker.
Just learn from this. Don't look for dating material at work. It gets weird and awkward if it doesn't work out. Best to keep romance separate from your workplace.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (30 May 2017):
 He's a waste of time.
Don't bring it up anymore, it's dead in the water. Draw a line under it and from now on speak to him regarding work matters only, leave him to play games with another girl and DO NOT get involved in further work place romances.
They make things awkward when they go sour and can cause all kinds of unnecessary drama in the workplace, they're just not worth it.
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