A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi My name is Aliyah and am 30 years old,separated and from Mauritius.I would like to have an advice please.I have know a guy on an online dating site since last December,he is actually working for an international company in South Africa but his home town is Mauritius just like me.He is Hindu , single,30 years-old(never married, he work as financial manager)and I am a muslim,but he said that not a big deal for him,so we decided to go ahead.We have been in touch by video call and chats on facebook messenger since but he said that he is always busy with work there as he work as financial manager and all the work are on his responsibility as he does not have assistants there .So he does video call once or two time a weeks.sometimes we talk for long hours and sometime short one. For chatting it is not like a long continuous chatting,it like when he is free he will reply quickly or else I will have to wait.But since the day he has know me ,he said wanted serious relationship with me and he always talked about to settled with me, having kids and how we will live when I will go with him abroad. His younger brother, even know about me as he has told him on me, and he even once ask me to call his brother on his birthday to wish him and that was my first conversation with his brother. But I have never met him.That guy even presented me his colleagues on video call when he was working once and some of his friends at his home.H e was planning to come back to Mauritius by the start of May for works as the company sends him. On video call always seem to be keen to meeting me and has planned lot of things like we could met and talk about our future together and we could go out for this for that and so on before he go back abroad and he would met my sister and brother in law as they have talked to him once on video call. Also he said that could make go out with his brother and his girlfriend also and some other member of his family. He was supposed to be there for only 2 weeks.When he came, I have called him on the first day and we talked a bit. Then I asked him to come to have dinner with me and my sister and brother in law 2 days after, as my brother in law was planning to go abroad for his business work and will be able to me him after. But when the day come, at the last minutes he called me and told me that he can met earlier and not for the dinner as he has left work earlier, but unfortunately at this time my brother in law was busy so he told him that he can come at his home at night to take him for dinner with us. He agreed but at the last minutes when I called him he did not take my call and he later send a text saying that he is at his aunt’s house and there is his family talking to him and he can`t leave the house. I was really upset I was having sign that may be he was not serious.H e called during 1week ,every morning and sometime text me. He wanted to meet me, so we have fixed a day.One day before we met he asked me if we can met in the afternoon, I said ok.but when the day has come, in the morning he called me and ask me if we can met in the morning itself, I told him to wait a bit I will try my best. We have finally met. I was attracted by his appearance and he seems nice. We have gone to lunch and I asked him how he find me, he said that I was much better than on the pictures. And I asked him lot of questions about him and if we get married and so on. He finally asked if I accept to go ahead with him or if we will remain friends. I have paused for a minute then I responded Yes.As we have finished, I thought that maybe he would spend more time with me, but he said he has some meeting with his lawyer and he need to go and he will drop me on his way. When we have sat in his car, we have kissed but he wanted to make it more. So he wanted to take me to his house, but he called his brother before he took me there as he lived with his parents, but his parents were there. So he finally he asked me to meet him another day. I accepted. On the way when we were returning he hold me hands. (I did not felt his love and he seem a bit cold thought)When he has drop me, I have gone for some shopping, but after 20minutes later I have met him again on my way, he said was doing shopping also ,and he did have his shopping bag with him and he was alone. I asked him about his meeting with his lawyer but he said it was cancel. So we have walk a bit together as he was looking to buy a shirt so I showed him some shop around and then he told me to let it be then he left.He called me and text me as usual. I have told his about I did not felt his love and he seem a bit cold to me, but he said we are adults not teenagers to behave like lovers. I told him that I am a woman and it was important for me to feel loved and heard it, so he said next time he will make me feel it.We have met the day we have planned but he said we will meet for 2 hours as he need to go for meeting after that, I asked to cancel it and spend a day together, but he said he can`t as it already schedule and all the days it is only for work as the company did not left him the choice. And I was suspecting that he would take me to his house. And of course it turned out to be true. I have asked him some question if he doesn’t go out, if he does not contact other woman and so on, but he said that he does not have time as per his work but he has logged in the other day on the dating site.Finally we have reached his house. He showed me his house upstairs and told me where he was planning to do the kitchen; the bed room, the kids’ rooms, and he asked my suggestion. He hugged me for sometimes. When he finished he took me to the bedroom where he has talked a bit about his past, his career how he has struggles and how he became successful now, his ex girlfriend (who I heard him talk quiet a lot about her and there is a spark on his face when he talked about her, but he said it is his past and he does not want her now and he has moved on).Then he has said that he love me, he kissed me and we started to have sex.Then when I get dress and ready to go he wanted to take a selfie with me,so we took a selfie.He took me in his car to drop me at the office, he seems to be satisfied and happy as he was singing and having a smile on his face as if he has accomplished something great. We talked a bit, then he said when he will go back abroad when he will call me to tease me about the love making and all, them he started to talked about his ex again. I was a bit upset by this then I told him that he is still in love with her and that he should go back to her, but he denied, he said even his uncle told him so but he said to his uncle that he is with me now and he has moved on.Then after that he drop me at my office he wanted a kiss but I was still upset and I have refused to kiss him .He has gone to his meeting.He has called me when I was on my way home after office hours. We talked and I told him that my company was making total loss and was going to closed down soon. He told me not to worry and asked me to send my cv he know another company director and he will make me get a job.Then the next day I did not hear from him, so I decided to called him after my office hour, he took my call and he told me that he was so busy during the whole day he did not sleep at night as he had lot of works to complete and he did not have his lunch, and he was so angry and upset that he has gone to talk to his director about it, the director told him next time he come to Mauritius he will come on holiday with no works so not worry.Then he told me he will talk to me later as he is driving and on his way for a meeting at a friend`s house.At night, we have chat and I have asked him if he felt something for me, he said of course. I asked him to proved it, he said that he never have to prove himself. I told him that I find him behave cold with me when we have met and that he is not enough lovable with me and he always talk about his ex,and that I don’t find love in his eyes for me neither in his heart.But he said again that he has change since long and he is not a romantic as before due to his past his heart broken, and so on. And he can`t change again. Also he was feeling sleepy goodnight. I replied ok goodnight and goodbye.The next morning, he sends me a text: good morning love.I have replied later: good morning, has a nice day.Since then I did not hear from him. He left Mauritius some days after.I really miss him and I think I have started to feel something for him, but I don`t know what to do. I did not contact him either. I really want him back. But I don`t know if he wanted just fun with me and he was seeing other women. Can you please advise me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): Something is really fishy here.
Get this straight to him..if he is serious with settling down with you, he has to meet your parent without any excuse.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 June 2017):
 You cannot fall in love with someone after meeting for the first time. Love takes quality time spent together. So its not fair to expect so much from him. But from reading your post my guess is he wants you to keep his bed warm but nothing else. He did not have to try very hard to have sex with you. Honestly I think your best bet is to stay away from this man.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (31 May 2017):
 I am suspicious of this one. When one begins a relationship a man will normally make every effort to be with his new love. This one seems to be relegating you down his list of priorities. I didn't like the fact that he couldn't take you home when his parents were there and that his other commitments took precedence. The fumble in the car was a bit seedy too.
You have every right to expect 'me first' or not at all. If he travels then it could be that he just wants you to be his bit on the side in Mauritius. He has promised a lot so lee if any of it comes good. You are already aware that he is putting you in second place. There has to be a point where you say enough is enough. Don't get hurt. Make sure he wins your trust, otherwise be wary.
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A
female
reader, Lexine07  +, writes (31 May 2017):
Okay... from what I understood I would say he's probably not serious.
The most telling parts were the cancelled lawyer appointment, the talk of his girlfriend moments after having sex with you and the still active dating account.
Cancelled lawyer appointment: After the restaurant he kisses you in the car, he wants to escalate and take you home. He calls his brother to make sure the house is available but... his parents are home so he drops you off. He didn't seem to worry about his lawyer's appointment then! To make matters worst... you see him 20 mins later at the mall. There's no clearly no lawyer.
He's not into you. He says he doesn't have time to talk to you yet he logs into his dating account. He was never available to meet your family, the only time he spoke of long term plans were when he intended to sleep with you.
I'm sure he's not a bad guy per say but he would make an horrible person for you to invest your time and energy in. You do not want to be the paranoid girlfriend that checks everything he says and does. I'm sure it hurts but having him break your heart and destroy your self esteem will hurt more.
You're one step closer to finding the right guy and it isn't him. Do NOT settle!
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