A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:I have a friend that I have known for 3 years we almost dated once, but chose to be friends and its made our friendship pretty strong. The other night I was visiting him at his house and he told me I could sleep over if I want. I made the choice to do so cause I did not know if I would make it home safe. He said I could stay in his bed with him. I figured this would be fine, we know where we stand. The only problem was he eventually started touching me and holding me and cuddling. I actually did not care cause I had not been touched like that by any man in a long time. The next morning I left before he woke up. Should I tell him about that. He may have been just touching me in his sleep and maybe it was not intentional. I just don't know how to go about it. [Mod note: title has been changed to better fit the question.] Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2013):
 tell him the next time you see him and are in a private place
"hey I really liked the cuddle and I really like YOU"
"and best friends make the best partners... what say you?"
YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE RISK.... or you will always wonder.
good luck and let us know.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Ah well, I'm sorry that I got confused by the title and then your post, they didn't seem to match at all and go figure they didn't!
If you want more from him (as in dating/relationship/get to know) then I would bring it up. You actually could have done it but you left before he woke up.
And don't worry about what your friends will say. You can't control their thoughts or actions.
Just talk to HIM.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 March 2013):
Whomever came up with that title really dropped the ball!
Anyways my guess is that he likes you enough to be receptive to talking about it. The worst that would happen is he'll tell you he's not ready for a relationship with anyone.
The best is that you'll have a great relationship with someone that you already know you're compatible with on some level.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 She isn't saying you're judging her IamHereToHelpYou. She's saying she thinks people who know her will judge if she was to go to them.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2013):
 You liked it and want more? I wouldn't mention it. Be bright and upbeat and flirt a little. See what happens.
Cuddling is nice, it might mean something, it might just be a cuddle.
Enjoy the closeness, if it made you happy.
You don't sound all gung-ho, I wanna date this dude, gimme more… so keep it light and bright and just keep on enjoying the friendship.
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female
reader, Lovemeright11 +, writes (18 March 2013):
Lovemeright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I never said anyone did judge me.
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A
female
reader, Lovemeright11 +, writes (18 March 2013):
Lovemeright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am sorry for the confusion of this title, I did not create it dearcupid did. I do like my friend more than friends, but I don't know what changed all the sudden. My last relationship was so dead. I keep thinking maybe that is why.I think I truly am just afraid of it going some place, not sexually, but in a real relationship. I don't always tell him the truth when I talk to him about how I feel, cause I just think he wont want me as anything else now after years.
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A
female
reader, Lovemeright11 +, writes (18 March 2013):
Lovemeright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet me be clear I never said it was inappropriate the website made up this title. I am not mad about him touching me, I liked it. I was in his bed, but I was not thinking anything would happen cause of us not really being touchy feely with each other. Now that it happened, I just want to know if i should bring it to his attention that I liked it or just keep moving on. It's not a big deal. I am just coming here with my questions trying to get opinions and not judged like I think I would be if I might ask anyone who knows us both.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2013):
I'm not sure I get your question.. you said he touched you inappropriately yet, and I quote:
**I actually did not care cause I had not been touched like that by any man in a long time.**
So WAS it inappropriate or not?
Sleeping in a guy friends bed may not be the best move if all you want is friendship, I would stick to the couch or the floor if you HAVE to crash there. If either of you, had an interest beyond friendship, sleeping in the same bed is just not smart.
I have had sleep overs with male friends but we never cuddled, we slept. And it was never awkward.
Was he awake when he touched you and tried to cuddle or do you think he was asleep? If he was awake I might bring it up at some point. Just so he knows where you stand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): You didn't mind him cuddling and touching you inappropriately because you've not been touched like that by a guy in a long time? Well what is the issue? What if he had made more of an obvious move such as get on top of you and kiss you, would you have minded then? I think you're making a big deal out of this if you ask me. You already said you didn't mind him getting close to you in bed, and let's be honest, you didn't even have to share a bed with him, you could have used his couch to be fair.
I think you should let this go this time but remember, if you share a bed with him again then expect the unexpected to happen. If you don't want that to happen then I suggest you either don't stay too late at his and go back home at the end of the night, or just don't share a bed with him.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 March 2013):
Whether or not to talk with him about it is totally dependant on what you're trying to accomplish. Do you want a FWB arrangement? Do you want a relationship? Do you want him to not have feelings for you?
I had a friend who I really liked more than a friend. But I also knew we were not right for each other so I had no interest in dating her. We were both single for a period of time and would occasionally sleep in the same bed with some light cuddling, most likely because affection is nice and it's something a lot of people miss when they're single, but it doesn't come with the complications that sex does.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 March 2013):
Who wanted to date and which one of you opted to be just friends... that has a lot of bearing on my reply.
and what do you want now?
Personally, even if you are just friends if you got into his bed to sleep with him, it sends a signal... if it was me, and I was with a male friend that I did not want to be more than friends with I would not be getting horizontal in the same bed with him. EVER.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 March 2013):
I have to ask, what is your expected outcome from the situation? Do you want to stay friends, platonic, with no cuddling ever? Do you want some cuddling from time to time because you have not been touched by another man?
Do you have to talk to him about this at all?
I ask because the advice I would give depends on what you expect to happen with the friendship.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 He sounds like a decent enough friend, just talk to him about it. If he did it in his sleep then he may not be aware that he did it! If it wasn't intentional, then make a bit of a joke out of it, but if he's embarrassed by it, then be prepared to support him. If you genuinely weren't bothered, then it shouldn't be a problem.
Good luck :)
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