A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some serious help my older Brother moved in with us when I was 16 we have the same father but not the same mother... but he needed a place to go and my mom let him stay with us he was 17 at the time ...I've seen him a couple of times when we were younger but we didn't grow up together I'm 20 years old now and he recently moved out but when I was 17 I lost my Virginity to my own brother we been having sex since then until I was 19, I also got Pregnant at 18 and had an abortion, since he moved out I realized that I have feelings for him and I miss him he calls me once in a while and we talk for hours I live in NY and he moved to Miami I'm currently finishing College and he's a Music Producer and he offered me a job at his studio, should I take the job? I really want to I miss him I have feelings for him I need the money its a good career Oppourtunity and the truth is I want to be with him despite the fact that he's my brother I know he has feelings for me too he has told me Nobody in the family knows what happend between us. I know it embarrassing and sometimes I feel so guilty but I love him I don't see him as my brother I have tried getting counseling but it hasn't really helped me. Should I go to Miami to take this Job? And be closer to him or should I stay away from him even if I don't want to? And is this common for someone to fall in love with their own sibling?
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abortion, lost my virginity, money, moved in, moved out Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAn update on what decision I made:
I talked to my mom about this and she was furious and thought I was crazy and I did not take the job in Miami I continued with school and working in new york. Until January of 2011 my brother flew all the way to New York to come get me and I am now currently in Miami living with him and working at his music studio my family is very pissed off and against the both of us but we don't have family in Miami my family all reside in New York. I'm happy we have a good relationship we are really in Love and I've decided to follow what my heart tells me. I'm happy despite the family judgements I guess I won't be going to New York for a while. Thanks for all the advice and will keep updating
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): i can see what your going through my half brother and i just met 6 months ago. We had so much fun together i could tell i had feelings for him but not the brother sister love but your my best friend love. I think about 2 weeks later we were siting on the couch and i had my head on the arm of the couch right next to his,he started to play with my hair and run his fingers down my cheek and neck. I couldn't tell him to stop it felt really good and then i said i love you. He stopped what he was doing and kissed me 2 or 3 times on the lips i didn't know what was going on so i just pulled away and called him weird and ask what he was doing, and he just looked at me for the longest time till he said i was confusing. Mouth later he told me he loved me i told him i loved him to but i dont know how to go about this but we got to hope for the best.
you should do what you think is right not for anybody else but you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): The old saying goes "follow your heart," so if your heart is with him and you both miss each other and have feelings for each other, I say go for it and move to Miami so that you can be with him, and maybe even live with him. You are both old enough to know what you want, and nobody else can tell you how to live your live. Remember, feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. So if what you're feeling is a really powerful and strong attraction to be with him, then by all means go for it and see where it leads. I think you are really luck to have that kind of love for each other, so you might as well pursue it and see if works out. If no one in Miami knows you're brother and sister, then you can act like boyfriend and girlfriend.
Also, google "I had sex with my brother, but I don't feel guilty," and you'll find an article that appeared in the Times of London back in July 2008. It was a woman who was in a similar situation that you are in. It might help to read the words of another woman who had a similar experience to what you are going through. Good luck and please post back here to tell let us know what you decided to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I have dated other guys but. It never worked out.. my brother and I didn't grow up together I had not seen him since he was 5 and then all of a sudden he came to live with us he's just older than me by months so we are almost the same age we became close friends and eventually it happend and we kind of both initiated the sex it started with a kiss and it led to it we both have feelings for eachother and I don't know what to do to get over it I know its wrong but I can't help it... and now I'm in need of a job and he's succesful in his music career his best friend is a music producer and he works with him and makes good money and he offered me a job so I would have to move to Miami for the job and I'm willing to do that.... so what do you think should I go? I really want to or should I just stay away from him and move on? I haven't seen him in 11 months now and I miss him but he's been calling me the entire time and he tells me how much he missess me... I don't know what to do should I just follow my heart... my heart is with him... I'm so confused
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): I think you need to ask yourself what you really want. It sounds like you truly love him deeply and want to be with him, so if that's what you want, I say go for it and see what happens. It might work out, or it might not, but you won't know unless you try. Can you tell me why you lost your virginity to him? Was it you or your brother that initiated the sex between you two? And were you close to each other or did you become attracted to each other while you were both living at home? And have you tried dating other people, only to keep having feelings for your brother and not the other men you go out with? If you can post back here with your answer, that will help me give you more advice.
There is a site called Genetic Sexual Attraction, named after a phenomenon of the same name. Google and the site will come up, and you will find some posts from men and women who are in love with their opposite-sex sibling, and reading this might help you. You can also sign up there and make posts and pose questions.
Another site you can go to is golivewire.com, and they have a College Sexuality and College Dating and Relationship sections where you can make posts (either with your username or anonymously) about this topic to get advice from others who are college-age people. Good luck and be sure and post back here.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): I'm sure your feelings are genuine but the dificulty is that this relationship will lead to problems later on and prevent you from having a full and enjoyable life: there are just too many issues. Don't let career or money issues confuse your mind on this. Nothing is irrevicoble. If you ove on with your lefe and treat him just as the loving brother he is you will be happier in the long run
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Do you see any realistic possibility of a future with him? Marriage? Children? What are you looking to get out of it?
Be honest with yourself and put some serious thought into what would happen if you took the job. Is it worth putting yourself in that type of position?
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