A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I was friends with benefits with this guy for 4 years. I told him 8 months ago I can't do this no more. I told him either commit or let me go. He let me go. 8 months later he's speaking to me again. I met up at his place and he tried instigating sex in which I declined, when I declined he seemed annoyed and I left. Since then he hasn't been speaking to me properly and started to make any excuse not to see me again even though I thought we were friends but not with the benefits. How am I suppose to take this? Shall I take the hint and think our friendship is over?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (27 September 2018):
 It seems he is only interested in being friends with you if "benefits" are included.
Well done for standing your ground, telling him it was all or nothing, and sticking to that. You are obviously a strong lady with enough self esteem to know what you want and to hold out for it.
You deserve better. This "friendship" has run its course. Next time hold out for what you want from the start. I am sure you will find it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2018): You weren't friends, you were boink-buddies. Sex was your connection. Once you withdrew the only reason he wanted to be connected with you, he has no further use for your company. Look what you've done to yourself. Now you're hurt.
He did you a favor, he sounds like a total jerk. Get as far away from him as you can; so you won't find yourself giving-in to being used. Have more respect for yourself; that's beneath you. You want more, so get it from someone better than that guy.
This is a life-lesson. Never use sex as an enticement towards a relationship. If you thought by using sex for bait, he'd eventually attach feelings to it; you were sorely mistaken. That's playing yourself, and you can't completely fault him.
FWB's very rarely turn real. Somebody in the couple usually finds somebody else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 September 2018):
 Sorry, OP
He was NEVER your friend. He was a guy who thought you were good enough to BANG but not good enough to date.
I'm NOT surprised that he contacted you and tried to get you into bed again. Because that is how little he thinks of you.
You wasted 4 YEARS on this guy and a casual relationship that should probably have expired after a year.
If you WANT an actual relationship don't spend 4 years in a so-called FWB thing. The whole point of a FWB is (for most people) to HAVE someone to have sex with while you look for a new REAL partner (GF/BF) someone you have no real commitment to, no real investment in (emotionally) and whom you can end it with anytime you want.
They aren't meant to go on for 4 years.
YOU developed feelings for him, he got used to having sex on tap from you.
Please just block him and move on OP. Stop wasting your time on a guy who think THAT little of you. Don't "sell" yourself short.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (27 September 2018):
 What friendship?
He used you for sex for 4 years.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2018): It seems to me that all this guy ever wanted from you was sex. All he still wants from you is sex. Maybe you were his friend but he's proven he wasn't yours. He took off when he knew there would be no more sex. Could also be a form of manipulation. No friend acts like that. You wanted. He didn't. Curious. Did you have any relationship outside the bedroom in 4 years?
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