A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have posted a few times here, but now I can truly say I am nearly a broken man. I have been trying to get to know a friend of mine, she is 4 years older than me and has had 2 relationships, 1 for 9 years, the other for 1 year, both failed.Initially, about 6 months ago, we would talk daily, text instantly to each other, squeeze every last opportunity to be in contact. However, of late, this hasn't been the case, since February it has changed markedly. She doesn't show the same enthusiasm as before, she takes hours to reply my texts, before she would apologise or she would say good night, now she doesn't.I am the one waiting for her to reply, yet I reply instantly to her, this morning a case in point, texted her as she went to work, but I know she will only text me when she is leaving work on her journey, once home, she won't as much.Part of this is breaking me because I fell for her, I pulled out many stops, sent her handwritten letters, flowers, cards, took her out to make her special. She did say she expected nothing from me, and there was an incident where i helped a female friend and it reminded her of past relationship, but I never knew that story, and I apologised and explained.What also irks me is she said a former boyfriend was not there for her emotionally, that she would travel to see him to make dates, however that isn't forthcoming for me. She never asks to see me, or texting me, i am there for her emotionally, she isn't.So I have started to take some measures, I have restricted my texts to her too now, I reply at the same rate she does. I'm not my jovial self, I don't answer questions the same way she doesn't (which really isn't nice as I really care about her and her life and family).I know in the past she has said she was blamed for failings, so if we do have showdown talks, even though I think she is at fault, I will put it on me to see what she says. I don't want to hurt her, but everybody wants to be loved right? I am dying here, I am not sure she is too.Thoughts appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): Hey there.
Sounds to me as if she is not interested or has lost interest. Become bored maybe!
Women change their minds.
I think the No Contact rule is a good one to see if that person would go to the same lengths as you do.
You are friends. Why not ask her to go for coffee? Or a movie? If she is not interested she will run out of excuses and you will know that you have been wasting your time.
I know that it hurts to fall in love and the feelings are not mutual. I think you are best to ask her out or move on.
Honestly, I hope this helps you
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