A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i tried so hard for my kids to have a dad but all he wants is going out drinking even when we break up i tried getting him to spend time with them he makes everything hard.why cant i just drop them off for a night and come back the next day. he has to make it hard for example he stalls for them to come to his place.when were together he complains of staying inside. but this time i dont want him at all. i just dont know what more i can do about our kids. i feel like shutting their dad out of our lives completely than again i start to feel guilty. i just sent him an email awhile ago for him not to see our kids anymore. what should i do about all this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I understand how you feel about the Dad, but your kids will end up resenting you if you don't let them see him. It sounds as though the only way they got to see him before was if you went out of your way to make it happen. I say don't ban him from them, but don't at all pressure him to see them. If he wants he knows where they are. If you don't want to get back together with him don't - often times a severely unhappy marriage and family unit is worse for everyone than two separate single parents.
I understand if his behaviour is causing you to not want your kids to see him out of fear for the influence he might have on them. But really its up to your kids if they want to see him and up your ex if he wants to see them. If you leave that way there's minimal way for anyone to think your in the wrong, which will be important when your kids reach adolescence. All kids become disillusioned with their parents at some stage but its worse when one or both parents has made a wrong. I grew up with a dad that drank too much, and it was a bad experience, but at least if your kids ever get sick of his behaviour they can come home to you and see him much less. If you leave it up to them you give them the best they can. If they're too young to decide for themselves then leave it to the dad and when they're old enough they can decide themselves.
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