A
male
age
30-35,
*manmcc
writes:So me and my ex were together for 8 wonderful years. We started dating at 14 and ended at 22. We are also eachothers first real relationship and first sex partners. I always had my group of friends but she only ever wanted to be with me. She would blow off her friends if there was even a possibilty of her being with me(which i kinda liked to be honest) i loved her being around. We were madly in love there is no doubt about that. but in the eighth year stuff got a bit rocky(a seven year itch so to speak)she suddenly has a new friend that happens to be her neice(totally fine, was happy she finally had someone to be friends with) but she started hanging out with their friends and met this guy named alex. im certain this is the first time shes ever had a crush on someone during our relationship. so she ends up breaking up with me for a weeks but didnt tell me about him, Took me back and almost the next day breaks up with me again through texts. That night she kisses him, Dances with him and they cuddle through the night. If she had sex with him this question would be a no brainer and she would be gone sooo fast. we had a very trusting relationship up until then so i can only assume shes telling the truth(even though i definitly question it) so she wants me back after all this and i caved because i loved her so damn much and i felt she deserved a second chance. A month later breaks up with me again to be with him. So heres where it gets complicated. I am an amazing guy.(take my word for it)i was a heavy pot smoker and started down a bad path i was talking about growing weed(small time) and i took advantage of her in some aspects. She had more responsibilty than i did, she worked more hours, made more money, did laundry, cooked, and did the dishes. now when she broke up with me the first time i had realized that i was being a dick and started to take on more resposibilty but i did still smoke pot and was at a dead end job. Obviously this wasnt enough to save the relationship. Anyways now i am off pot (2 months and infinitly counting) im going to college in sept and have learned ALOT!! from this breakup. i workout now and eat healthy. So basicly did a complete 180 and will not go back to the way i was regardless. Now for my question. the way i see it she cheated on me just because u text someone breaking up with them the night u cheat doesnt make it not cheating even if its just kissing or dancing in my eyes. so given my situation Should i even take her back if she ever decided to come back? I would definitly not except for the fact i was turning into someone undesireable and i dont blame her for leaving. but i really have changed now and i think she will see this one day and want to come back.(i know its not guarenteed) but should i take her back? keep in mind i do really really love this girl and we definitly had a special connection that is rare and not only were we partners but we were definitly best friends too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): dmanmcc.... is there any update on your situation? Did your ex gf want to get back together? Do you still hope she comes back? have you moved on ? Do you still feel you might take her back? If you havee, did it work out? cheers.
A
male
reader, dmanmcc +, writes (25 February 2012):
dmanmcc is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni really appreciate your replies but there are a few things to mention. just because it seemed my life was a mess doesnt mean it was. smoking pot and being in a dead end job doesnt mean your life is shit. I know many people with this lifestyle that love life and that just works for them. just so happens that it wasnt the life i wanted, i actualy was happy with that old lifestyle as well because i just love life in general, it was just time to grow up thats all. lets just say she did come back, theres no way she could bring me back to that life believe me ive made up my mind. also i know u also dont believe that ive changed in 2 months but youll just have to take my word for it because i know deep down i will never go back to the way it was regardless. also i am not putting my life on hold at all i know theres a chance she wont come back. Ive been talking to girls and hanging with friends and moving on with life. i just know that girl and that this is the biggest mistake shes ever made and she IS going to regret it. Im not a cocky guy by all means but i know a guy like me doesnt come around that easy. up until the last bit of our relationship i was extremely happy with her and loved her to death. the way i see it we both fucked up and never experiencing a breakup before we never learned the things you do after a breakup. i learned that i took advantage of her and probably drove her away. believe me that is a mistake i will never make again. i just dont see how you think no matter what she will do it again when you dont even know her. shes not just your average slut bag. and believe me i am not trying to diss you guys at all just trying to make you further understand why im feeling the way i do about giving her another chance. i know we broke up a few times near the end but i really do just count it as one mess up she obviously was confused at the end of our relationship. We are all human and humans make mistakes. and believe me if she asked to get back with me tomorow i would say no because i know that shows her that she can just come and go as she pleases i would make her wait a good long time before i ever let her back in. I do not have low self esteem i am an amazing person with lots to offer. also im not saying your wrong at all because ive been thinking alot about the stuff you guys said and it can very well be the right answer. just wanted to give you a bit more info on the subject and see if your opinion changes or modifies. Thank you so much!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 No, never take her back. And stop thinking she will come back - she left you so many times for him chances are she never will.
You are looking at this relationship through rose tinted glasses, in your eyes it was wonderful but the reality is you were mess, she was cheating (emotionally or physically it doesnt really matter) and neither of you were happy. She was unhappy enough to cheat, and you were so unhappy you turned to drugs. That is not a good relationship, you are not good for each other and there is no going back.
You were too young when you were together, you grew apart and that is the end of it.
Dont hold onto the past and sit around waiting for her to come back - otherwise you will waste your life hanging onto a memory from the past that wasnt all it was cracked up to be.
Even if you got back together there wouldnt be any trust, she wouldnt ever be able to believe that you have changed for good (2 months is great but you are in the early stages and by no means cured once and for all), and you will never trust her again when she is out with friends. Without trust you will have nothing.
An ex is an ex for a reason, there were good reasons for you breaking up so there is no point in going back. Look to the future now, find someone new who doesnt remind you of a dark time for you.
Every relationship I have been in I've always been best friends with my boyfriend, it is nothing unusal to love someone and be best friends with them. You will meet someone else, you will feel these feelings again for someone different - this is not the end of the world! Yes it will take time to get over her but one day you will feel normal again, you wont miss her anymore and you will feel ready to date again.
Just look at this as a totally fresh start, you are a new person and you are now free to meet someone new, to complete your new life - rather than taking your ex back and her dragging you back to your old life.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 February 2012):
 HI
I think it's great you have turned your life around for the better, I know you really love this girl but I would advise you not to back . She has had a different way of seeing things now, you were her first, so she never got to ( for a better word ) fished in the pond. She now has, so is just using you for a backup now. If things dont work out she knows she always has you to run back to ....untill the next guy!!! you are doing great with your life, and you will find a woman who will treat you how you treat her. Dont put your life on hold in hoping she will one day return and everything will be a bed of roses, because no doubt she will continue to do this. Be strong and move on.
Mandy x
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