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female
,
anonymous
writes: I need some serious advice.Well, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 10 months about 3 and a half months ago and have been single since. There was a very complicated reason why we broke up. To sum it up i had alot of issues going on in my life, and basically he had many issues as well that i couldnt handle. Also, my mother didnt approve of him too much because of his "thuggish" appearance.He had grown up in a very not so nice neighborhood, but is a very nice man. His appearances are deceiveing.. he is not rele a thug at all. He never had any positive role models, so he looked up to his cousins mostly. And they are not too good of role model, they rap, and drink and smoke, and other things i dont approve of. When he met me, he changed he stop beinng involved in things he know i didnt like.Well he also, failed his senior year of high school, and at first seemed to not care too much, and me being goal-oriented needs someone who can support me in the future. So i thought hard about it, and though i loved him and still had to make the right decision for both of us.I still love him to death and you have no idea how much he loves me. I mean he said if he cant have me then he'll be single for the rest of his life. And he asks me everyday to go back out with him,and he said he would give his life for me, and that i was the only person in this world that still cared about him and loved him. Please help me figure out what i should do about this situation... im in desperate need
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): What are your life goals for yourself? What are your expetactations of a life partner?
Advice my mom gave when I was 16 and able to date:
1) Make sure he is in school and make sure he attends a college or university. This is because most marriages breakdown due to money issues and a degree/education ensures he will be able to be employed. She also said if he is a physically fit young man; there are lots of labour jobs he can take until he finds employment.
2) He has a job; self reliant. Especially if he works part time while in highschool. Shows he can still do school and make money and that he can manage it all.
3) Has a vehicle.
4) Wants marriage and children. Has a good sense; common ideas and hopes of what a marriage it to look like.
5) Supportive of your life goals and wants you to succeed and be happy.
At the time, I thought she didn't understand what "true love" was. Now that I am older and lived in the world of hard knocks; if I dated and maintained to these dating rules, I would have a greater chance of being happy and secure in my relationship/marriage at a young age.
What are your rules and standards?
I do understand that you may love this young man, but make sure he understands your expectations and is willing to commit to change and fulfill his role.
Best of wishes.
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