A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex-boyfriend and I dated for about a full year, on-and-off. Our breakups were always stupid, sometimes because of rumours/misunderstandings, and once because he lied to me about himself. Afterwards, though, he explained it was only because he wanted to seem good enough for me, and I forgave him. I love him so much, and every minute I'm not with him my mind can't stop thinking of him and my heart aches. This is not puppy-love. I honestly, truly love him with my whole heart and I would do anything for this boy. But sometimes I don't know if he will be faithful to me, because he used to like this other girl and flirt with her a lot as well. When I told him this bothered me, he did stop but I'm still bugged by it. Now, we are back to friends with benefits, acting like we are dating and my friends are telling me it's obvious he's trying to change. But I don't know if "trying" is enough. He hurt me a lot in the past, and even though he fixed his mistakes, I still feel like he needs to make some sort of BIG change instead of all these little ones, and prove to everyone that he really likes me or something. I don't know. But at the same time, I know I can't live without him... He's such a huge part of my life. I don't know how to figure out what I want, and if I should take him back again. :/ Suggestions?
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male
reader, Jacob Maluleka  +, writes (24 February 2010):
Love is true love only once the person you love loves you back in accord with your loves worth.We meet and date people whom we think meets our expectations or desires,you may say.There's only one reason or purpose of dating-the quest for true love.Love hurts when the person you love is so damn-stupid to realise that,but it hurt way too extreme when the one you loves loves someone else.The reasons for your break-ups may seem fair stupid enough,but truly speaking the is a reason for everything,like an action to reaction.You broke-up a myriad times then made-up several times again,the only thing you can ask yourself is-did anything change about him during the course of chances you gave him?If not,you know nothing will change him now.Being friends with benefits with this guy will only hurt you more Because you'll be expecting something from him all the time-him to love,cherish and appreciate you.Which might not come around.You might be hindered to make the right choices here,reason being you love him so much you can't think of yourself being without him.Look deep inside and try to find the real you.Is he there in the picture?Is he the other piece that makes you whole?If not.....terminate the relationship and move On.Someone out there is waiting for you.That's what we do with useless things-through em'in the trash bin....pardon me.I wish you all the best....peace.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 Both of you are still very young and inexperienced and there are bound to be many mistakes , quarrels , arguments and tears in your relationships.
You learn to overcome those mistakes and obstacles in the relationship.Relationship is not an easy thing and you need to work at it.
In love, you should not have too high an expectations from your partner.
If you have a very high expectations from each other, you will only have heartbreaks when he is no where near those standards.
If you love a person , you love him for who he is and not what you want him to be.
If he can show a 10% change, that is as good enough as can be. You should not expect him to turn around 180% in double quick time .That is impossible and expecting too much
If he is a tiger with stripes, you cannot make him into a leopard with spots.
Whitewashed his stripes with spots...but it will not last.
You will have to decide if you like a tiger or a leopard ?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (24 February 2010):
Here's your problem, you want him to change. He is who he is and sure, not everyone is perfect, but if he's not the right person for you then he just isn't. I know what it's like to think that a guy is great in many ways and has tried to make an effort to conform to what you think is ideal, but usually those changes are temporary and you want him to be someone he's not. I'm sure you see potential in him as being a better person or what you want him to be, but he probably has some growing up to do as do you. And really, it sounds like you're "in love" with what he could be and not what he really is.
I don't think you should get back with him simply because it never works again especially since you have been on again, off again for over a year. If it didn't work before, it won't work now. If it were outside circumstances that caused your relationship to fail in the past that you two had no control over, then that would be different. But he is who he is and you are who you are. He's not going to change and the things that bothered you before will bother you in the future.
Don't worry, you can live without him. Most of us have several relationships in our lifetime, and being young you think it will be the end of the world without the other person, many of us have been there. You'll be fine and you can live without him. Focus on yourself, he shouldn't be your world.
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A
male
reader, Cowboy255 +, writes (24 February 2010):
It's not prove to everyone Hun it's prove to you but like you say even your friends notice it right. I'm usually the guy who says give the benefit of the doubt but don't listen to rumors, a rumor can be such a lie to destroy something good. Follow your heart just maybe talk about the lie you two need to be open with one another you know. Remember he is with you and not that other girl he's yours Hun I'm not saying let him hit on other women. Remember boys will be boys and us guys have wandering eyes sometimes and that doesn't mean us guys don't care about our girl just sometimes our eyes wander and that's instinct even though us guys don't intend to look at a woman walking by we just sometimes can't help ourselves. I hope this helps some good luck
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