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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: When I hang out with my friend, she always has some little put downs to say to me. Like insisting that my hairstyle is bad, implying I'm stupid, her job is more difficult than mine, etc. And these things started escalating, to the point where I could feel her animosity just oozing out whenever she was around.So there was a point where we didn't talk for a month and I apologized for being busy and we both agreed that we were cool again. But the next time I saw her, she was back to saying the same stuff again.It really makes me feel bad and I keep trying to think of anything I could have done or said, but there is nothing. I have never been hurtful to her and always try to compliment her, but it is eating away at me to think I am losing one of my closest friends, at a point in my life where I don't feel like I have many. And anytime I try to gradually talk to her less, she comes around and acts really nice and kisses up to me, which makes me feel like a jerk for trying to distance myself. I did talk to her about this, but she gets super defensive and super uncomfortable and gets mad at me (like how dare I say this to her kind of thing.) Has anyone ever had a friend like this? I hesitate to just blow it off as jealousy, but I just don't get why anyone would act like this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2013): I understand. A friend that is soooo close to me is doing the exact same thing. ATM we are not talking. I LOVE HER AS MY SISTER! I' just surviving now by listening to songs that make me feel better.
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male
reader, Mr. Anonomous  +, writes (2 April 2013):
I had a friend just like that! I figured out and he even told me that he did not like himself, and that he only makes fun of people to make him feel better about himself. These types of people do need to be dealt with, so what I would do is just go to them and say "I wanna stay friends, but your meanness to me is unbearable so until you stop being mean you are not my friend." If they say something mean just walk away like nothing happened and don't speak to them or even see them till they apologize. When they do they hopefully will understand that she wants to stay your friend and the only way to do that is to be nice. Don't worry if she does not. That would just mean she was never a good friend to start out with. It may be jealousy, but there is no good reason to be mean to a friend...
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female
reader, brenna122597 +, writes (10 December 2010):
oh my god i have a friend EXACTLY like that! she says the smallest things, yet they get to me so easily...and its not because I'm snesitive, its just what shes saying...implying that she is some how better. I feel for you, I feel your pain so much! Do you ever feel like just taking a knife and stabbing something because how frustrated you are with her? I've felt that, and i can't mention it, or else she'll get defensive an start saying that I'm the one that treats HER badly. She loves to give everyone the impression thatshe is the nteresting friend and I'm that boring one that does whatever she says, and if i dont do what she says, she gets ticked off and says that I'm overeacting and that she doesnt just push me around. I keep hoping its just because shes immature, because were 13, but shes my friend so maybe im just trying to make an excuse for her. In her mind, shes the pretty one, the smart one, the one that can get a boyfriend, the funny one, she just thinks shes better....it frustrates me so much. Sometimes, she'll make fun of me to some popular girls, right infront of me! I'll get ticked and be like, "oh, are you making fun of me to get acceptance by the popluar girls? how cute..." then she'll be mad at me and say im overeacting. I'm not overeacting, it's just that i'm more mature, and i notice the little things, i see the evil in people, and this isnt some lame thing i tell myself to make myself feel better, its true, I've been taught things like body language and psychology, i dont know much, but i know enough to see what she's implying. She always expects me to just let it go when she does something really mean, but when i do something really mean to her, she ignores me for days and then when we finally confront eachother, she expects me to get down on my knees and apologize 1000 times. I can't take it anymore! I regret ever meeting her, but for some reason, ses my friend, and i dont wanna lose her as a friend. everyone tells me it would be best to just get rid of her,but in some areas shes a good friend, and i dont want to lose her, i just want her to realize that she needs to stop...but no matter what i do, she wont fix her mean ways....i feel your pain...so much!
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 People usually are critical and nit pick at others when they are insecure and/or jealous. It helps them feel better about themselves/their lot in life to place others 'beneath' them.
She get's defensive because your touching a raw nerve by bringing up the question of why she does it. She does not want to appear to not have it all going on by admitting her vulnerability, so the quickest way to nip the convo in the bud before she is cornered in to answering for herself is by getting defensive and cutting the convo short before it get's to the nitty gritty.
I know it must be hard to not get angry or feel bad when she does this, but when she does, just remind yourself why she is doing it and who knows, you may even feel a bit sorry for her and be able to overlook it when you know it is more about how she feels within and about herself, that what she really thinks of you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): It sounds like this friend of yours is really insecure. I don't see why she has to say all of these terrible things to you? Have you asked her what she actually gets out of hurting your feelings?
If I were you, I wouldn't distance myself. I wouldn't go all quiet on her. I would simply be up front and tell her you are tired of her behaviour and it is time to move on. Distancing yourself will only make her think it is you that has a problem. She needs to realise it is her. You shouldn't have to put up with this.
Without being too mean, tell her you need supportive friends who treat you better. Afterall, that is how true friends should act.
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