A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and I have a crush on a boy 3 months my younger (I don't usually opt for youngers I think its weird). He's in the RAF and he's a very funny, mature and caring guy who makes me smile. The only problem is that one of my friends likes him too. He has told others and myself included that he doesn't like her at all, but she wont accept the fact that he doesn't like her in that way, it's because she's been rejected before. I've always had a sweet spot for him and I found out he used to like me. We talk a lot and recently we sort of flirt subtly. I have a strong feeling he likes me back, but I feel so bad liking him because of my friend. At the same time I'm wondering whether its a good idea to go for him, because there has been a time this summer when I liked a guy along with 2 other friends (yes we all liked the same guy), in the end I got to date him, but it didn't work out and we just remained friends. Should I stop flirting and let my friend have him since she's been dying for her first bf for ages? Should I tell my friend I like him too? (she would b gutted if I do)Or should I attempt to move to him?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 November 2013):
 You can't make the choice for HIM who he likes.
YOU can stop flirting with him and leave him to her but since he does not like her in "that way" it won't matter to him at all.
HE likes you and you like him... it will hurt your friend and you have to decide which is more important... some relatively short term attention from a "younger man" (three months is NOT YOUNGER nor an age gap) that will probably flash, burn bright for a short period of time and end or a long term friendship with a GF.
My take on it is that at your age I was told by a very wise person and I've carried it with me for nearly 50 years "FRIENDS are harder to come by than LOVERS" and it's very true.... I can sleep with anyone... I can DATE anyone short term... but FRIENDS are way more important than dating... any day of the week for me.
as for your age gap. I never would have dated my husband when I was 17. I would have babysat for him he was 3 when I turned 17.
A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (27 November 2013):
 You're young and do not yet accept the psychology behind this. That is that it's POSSIBLY a competitive thing with you.
That can kill friendships. It all depends on how much your friendship with this girl means to you. Is it worth risking your friendship for this subconscious ego boost?
It sounds like you're not that into him, you just want to "win" him.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, ones that your friend isn't into.
As you get older, you'll realize how silly it all is to "compete" for boys.
trust, me, I know ;)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 November 2013):
 I don't know, do you really think you can get past that 3 month age gap?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2013): You like the guy and your friend likes the guy too. Your friend doesn't have a chance with him, and you only have a crush. Sounds like the choice is more up to him, whom he likes. Don't you think?Behind her back,you're flirting with him anyway. So why are you worried about how your friend will feel, if you were "honest" and "admitted" you like him? Would you prefer that she found out about you two from another friend?Ask her if it would upset her if you liked him too? If it will upset her; and you care that it does; don't let a boy come between you. Just don't make it a habit of giving up a chance with a boy who likes you; because she likes him too. "Liking" him doesn't mean anything. She doesn't own him, and he isn't her boyfriend. If he already shot her down; be a friend, and don't rub her nose in it by dating him straightaway. That doesn't mean you cannot be friendly and flirt with him.If the boy doesn't have any interest in her, she has to grow up and accept that she can't control if he likes you instead. That's the breaks.
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