A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my fiancee is annoyed because i didnt make a decision in a rushed moment when she wanted me to. the thing is she didnt make it clear that she wanted me to she just asked what are the plans, and i assumed that she wanted to talk about it and decide together, not that she wanted me to just make a decision. so i gave a suggestion that she didnt like and she just stormed off to what she needed to go to. i realized once she left what she wanted, and so i made a decision of what i think she wanted, and now she is being irrational and saying no to everything i decide or suggest. what do i do? help please!!
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2013): Confront her on her part in this. She should have communicated clearer that she was asking you to take responsibility for a decision rather than bounce it back to her (as she perceives it). Furthermore, once you realized what she wanted why does she then shoot everything you say down? Being an obstructionist just because she is angry is childish. Express your frustration to her, don't let the pattern of this relationship be that she is the one finding fault with you and you groveling trying to prevent her getting mad at you. You have a right to express your own anger and frustration too. Just because she is angry does not mean your world has to come to a standstill until she is no longer angry.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (27 November 2013):
 My answer to you depends on how often this sort of disagreement happens in your relationship.
If it's a rare thing for your communication with her to break down like this, I would sit down with her and explain calmly that you love her and you want to see her happy, but that you aren't a mind reader and can't give her what she wants if you don't know what that is. Ask her to tell you what the outcome is that she's looking for. This gives her the chance to express her wishes directly without waiting for you to magically guess what she's hoping will happen.
If, on the other hand, she greets your attempt to make peace with anything other than civility, or if blowups like this are a recurring dynamic in your relationship, you may wish to reconsider whether you want to play this scenario out repeatedly over the course of your future with her, or if you want to hold out for someone a bit more rational and less demanding.
Good luck and best wishes as you work through this with her.
...............................
|
