A
male
age
36-40,
*dkcatch22
writes:Dear Cupid,First off let me set up the situation for you. I have been with my girlfriend now for over 4 years. It has been a rather rocky relationship. a few years back i broke up with her because i felt it wasn't what i wanted. I didnt do anything during the break up and contacted her a few months later because i honestly missed her. At that time she had hooked up with some guy 3 weeks after we broke up and then left that guy for another whom she was with by the time i contacted. She ended up leaving that guy to take me back. From that time forward i felt things were going great between us, we were stuck in a a hard situation with me traveling for work throughout the next 3 years and seeing each other as much as we could. About 2 months ago though, i was noticing behavior that gave me that gut feeling, that feeling of something being wrong. I got online and searched and read up on those "10 signs of a cheating girlfriend" and was scared because my girl fit every single one, at firs i thought it was just me being paranoid, over thinking stuff. then one day i said to myself that i needed to know. so i got into her email accounts and found shocking stuff. she was cheating on me, but not physically or locally...she was doing it online. She used yahoo messenger and had several relationships going with different guys all over the country but had not met any. she called them on a daily basis, phone sex, webcam, the works.i confronted her and she admitted to it all, that she when i was away, she felt lonely and started going online and that it was all a game for her, a fantasy, because they werent there so she didnt feel like she was cheating, she never even admitted that she cheated, she just admitted that the evidence was true, she would get mad when i would use the word cheating and argued that it wasent because it wasent physical.i stuck by her and asked her to stop her online activities and stop all of this or i would leave her for good that she had to make a choice and she made the choice and said it was me.since then ive had obvious trust issues since i had to go away again. right about that time, my ex girlfriend decided to get in contract with me and has been my support through a lot of this.my girl said the reason for all she did was because i didnt give her enough attention.so i began to, multiple daily calls, i figured ways for us to spend time together while i was gone and would always be available to her if she called.and now a month after that, shes flipped on me and is calling me obsessive and clingy. right now being a perfect example, where she said she would call 8 hours ago and i havent gotten anything from her.now my ex wants to move closer to me and wants to spend time with me and im suppose to go back to my girl in a month and i dont know what to do.my ex asked me to look for apartments nearby my area so she could spend the last month with me here.i feel like the roles have changed and now im the one receiving no attention from my girl, like i became so faithful and loving that she stopped trying and just expects me to be there and always has an excuse for why she hadent contacted me:"i fell asleep im sorry""my phone was in the other room im sorry""i didnt hear my phone i had it set low"this has become a daily thing and im afraid because i was so good at finding out all her online activities that she may have begun to meet guys in her area or something.i dont know if i should just try and hang on and go to her in a month and hope i find nothing wrong or just call this whole thing quits because that gut feeling hasent gone away since 2 months ago.my ex seems like everything i want my girl to be, shes loving, kind, attentive and caring.should i stick by my girl still and go there and see it for myself or should i not even bother and go with a relationship that i feel could work?with my girl it seems im in a catch 22. too little attention and she cheated, and now i fear im trying to spend too much time with her and shes pushing me away.
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male
reader, idkcatch22 +, writes (3 May 2011):
idkcatch22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you both for your advice. Well yesterday she jumped the gun on me and said she needed space, that ever since her online affairs ive been keeping too close of a watch on her and im too overprotective, clingy, obsessed. she said im playing the chick role and i should be a man and we shouldent need to talk as much, 2 phone calls a day should do and she wants space, she feels like a prisoner she said.
i agree with her on some points, this whole mess has left me feeling less and less like a man. every sentence with her from me normally ends in im sorry's. "ya i know we talked 7 hours ago but i just called because i missed you. im sorry" or "sorry i called late last night, i thought id surprise you with an i Love you"
anyway, i said **** this and **** how she has me down and beaten, i told the ex to come to me and she is flying in next week, ima take everything slow, maybe go on a date..thatd be swell. maybe this girl will like flowers :). my girl hated when i got her flowers, she said it was a waste of money because they died anyway.
anyway, thanks again, im going to start cleaning myself up, im a mess. full grown beard, havent worked out since i left the military a month ago, and i havent been sleeping right in weeks and my eating habbits went out the window. but thats all gonna change now, first stop, barber shop, second stop, groccery store, third stop..happyness :)
A
female
reader, Thornbirds  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Trust your gut feel. All the things you have observed and proven to be true were all valid to make you feel uncomfortable.You feel uneasy about the relationship. If you feel so, it is because there's something wrong with what's happening around you. You only need confirmation if you have to let go of her ,or should you be a martyr. Would you like to live forever with a wife like that who indulges in all sorts of treachery and infidelity? I presume you look back on the number of years of your relationship together and, like a precious legacy, you hold on fast to it, wouldn't throw it away even if it is useless simply because of sentimental reason. It is you who tells that you are treading in a rocky relationship. Is there no other option? There are smooth and comfortable paths you can walk on without necessarily suffering from stress and endless suspicions. Choose the right woman who will be faithful to you, and can be trusted. If she cheats on you now, there is a big chance she will do the same once you are married. Don't be scared to dump unnecessary baggage in exchange for a better and happy future with someone you can trust wholeheartedly. Your GF is taking you for granted. If a woman has the habit of lying and cheating,she is adept on crafty wiles in manipulating a lover.She can be very unpredictable, and for me,she is some kind of dangerous player to deal with because she can climb on your head and, alas! You got stuck in the situation ,and you cannot turn your neck back to where you've been. Decide what is best for you. I know you know what to do but, you cannot decide because you are bound to the emotional investment you have invested with her for a certain number of years ,and you tied yourself to the sentimental value of your relationship. Your future happiness is at stake, and you don't deserve to wallow in a failed relationship in the future..when the right one comes your way, you will know it.. now the choice is yours for the taking. Whatever you decide to do, avoid being the doormat of any woman's dirty feet. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, idkcatch22 +, writes (30 April 2011):
idkcatch22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, as of 18 days ago, i quit my job so i could move permanently with my girl and end all the long distance, its hard because i'm so used to working, i had been working this job for 6 years but i quit, and the only reason i haven't gone back yet, is because i'm spending time with my family before going since i didn't see them much before.about an hour after i posted this yesterday, she called, said she left her cell at home and was at her parentss and she said she was sorry, and i believed her,until i saw the email she sent her best friend who was also trying to get a hold of her."hahah hey batch... sorry i was busy takin care of business as usual lol...i'm at work right now so just txt or call me later lovez ya girl :)"maybe i'm over reacting of what she writes, maybe she's actually changed now...i hope so
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A
male
reader, cute guy +, writes (30 April 2011):
 I'm sorry you had to go through this. But I don't care how she justifies it. She is cheating, even if its not physical. She is obviously and emotionally shallow person that craves attention and cannot be trusted. You will spin yourself into a frenzy always wondering what she's up to and what she's doing when your not there. That is no way to live and I was in a similar situation. This girl is going to mess you up and bad if you stay with her. My advise...break it off. It will hurt and you will go through a grieving process. You may cry, get depressed, but you will move forward. Don't let a girl like this ruin the love you have to offer. She doesn't deserve it and there are alot of great girls who would love a good guy like you. As far as your ex goes...whew...I wouldn't rush into things with her. Right now you may be just remembering all the good you had with her and not the bad that caused her to be your ex in the first place. I'm just saying take it very slow with her until you can get to a place where you can think more clearly and get past your break up first.
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