A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My relationship is a mess and I don't know what to do! We've both done stupid and horrible things and I feel so bad. I have a child with him which makes it worse. His dad died and because he was depressed he slept with a woman while i was 7 months pregnant. I think that messed me up completly. I was only 19 and i had a baby and none of my family around me just his. His sister in law treated me like dirt, because im shy and quiet she walked all over me. He became an alcoholic and spent time after work with his friends and not me and our little girl. He was violent too. I tried to leave but he realised how messed up he made me and made a big effort to change. But after that he started night shifts and i was so lonely and depressed I started a relationship with someone. I didn't sleep with him though. He cant forgive me and he is very controlling. He tells me I can't bother with people that he doesn't like. I work too but he doesn't appreciate anything i do. He hates me. I want to leave but I've got nowhere to go. He keeps saying it's his house but my wages go towards the mortgage too. My daughter means the world to me and I want a loving home for her, shall i keep trying for her?
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alcoholic, depressed, shy, sister in law, violent Reply to this Question
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male
reader, MattUK +, writes (9 June 2008):
Hi,
At times like this it is very easy to let your emotions get in the way of the cold hard facts. You may have done things that you regret but looking at it from an outsiders point of view it's easy to understand your motives.
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and your daughter will be happier if you are happy and relaxed around her. From the sounds of things this guy does not really care for you, there is absolutely no excuse for violence and controlling behaviour. It may seem like a big step to make but it sounds like you need to leave.
I was recently in a situation where I had a been with a girl for 8 years and her 2 boys were like my own. We had stayed together because of the boys for too long but when I found out about her affairs I just had to get out.
Believe me, it feels very hard at the time but you will be able to make a fresh start and when you do you'll wish you had done it a long time ago.
Talk to your friends if you can, I'm sure you'll be surprised at how supportive and accommodating they can be. If you make the decision to go then you will see that there
are options out there. You say you want a loving home for your daughter but it doesn't sound like you will find it with her father. I would recommend that you also look for some legal advice regarding your rights towards the house. It can be a long and drawn out process but if you are really stuck financially then it may be worthwhile.
Finally I would just like to add that there are decent guys out there who will love and cherish you and your daughter without all of the grief that you have had to put up with. Please try and look at your situation without the emotions that can blur your judgement. There will be a way out and you will be better off when you take it.
I wish you all the very best and hope you will find a happy outcome.
Best wishes
Matt
A
female
reader, im a horny 12 year old +, writes (9 June 2008):
i understand ur point of view but u cantlet a man take control of u, here what u do save 100 pounds every month, open your own secret bank acount and when you think you have enough go home to ur mother. dont worry about yyour daughter if u want her togrow up in a lovong home that is not where itshould be , where her mumis depressed think about it ....... good luck(:
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