A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a deliemma. I had a baby two weeks ago, and since my booyfriend has been looking at porn and messaging girls on my space, telling them he wants to have sex with them. I found out the other night and since I've just been a wreck. It hurts SO bad. I feel worthless and inadaquette. We got in a huge fight when I found out about it, and I told him if this was how it was going to be then it was over. So he cried, I cried, then he told me if this is what I want then I have to find someone else to be our babys father because he couldnt face his son if he ever asked why we broke up. I told him then you never should have done it but your his father no matter what. Then he said he would move out and support me financially but would leave us. Then some hours later after more crying he asked me to take him back, several times. I finally did, but am second guessing my decision. Since this has happened I feel like I'm not good enough by a long shot. Not being able to have sex makes it worse, although after what happened I don't think I ever want to have sex with him again. I'm still healing from having our baby... so I know I'm not depriving him on purpose, but I feel like this is all my fault. I still give him foreplay, along with some kind of release, blowjob, handjob, titfucking, etc. I just thought it would be enough to hold him over for awhile. I'm apalled by how wrong I was. I feel like trash, and I just hate myself for everything thats happened. Yesterday he told me that I didn't look happy with him, and that if I left him, he would be there for our child, he wouldn't leave the baby as he had said he would during our fight. I don't know if I should stay or go. I feel horrible, I don't want to hae to chose between leaving to regain myself confidence so I don't feel like crap, or to stay so our baby can have a father. He is wonderful father, and he loves his son... he also promised to not look at porn or talk to other girl. He says I'm not worth losing, but I somehow think if I'm not worth losing, then why would he chance it in the first place. Please I need some advice... some help to make my decision... I just wish I didn't have to make one, because I still love him and I think thats what hurts the most.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmeg i cant beleave you posted this with out telling me you know how i feel about you makeing things like this public and to leave things out so i look even more so like a monster than i am just makes me not feel all that bad about what i did at all now. everybody meg if my girl i am the babys father she told me she wanted to do a threesum so i can have done it at leaset ones i told her no i didnt need it that it would just bring strain but she insisted the writeing to other girls was me looking for somebody i knew that the two of us could trust and i knew would be clean. she did ask me not to look till after and for that i feel horible and i have told her countless times im not good enouph for her not just becuase of this but the porn thing too. i feel discuted with my self and my problem with porn allso she didnt allways give me oral as i needed it. some times i would be blue balling but thats still no excuse. everybody please under stand what is happening with us she has broken my trust in her a few times as well but i would never try to fix things by breaking that trust fearther like she has. this is a two way street and she had been doing her part just as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell after letting everything soak in for a few days... I decided to be with him. At first just I reasoned wih myself that it was just for the baby, but came to realize it was for me too, because I still love him. Its a very hard time right now. I don't trust him like I did, and don't love him as deep as I did before, but I do love him so I want to still try. He said he would stop, and I believe he will for a little while, or maybe I'm wrong and he will stop and never do it again. I hope I'm wrong, I don't mean to doubt him as much as do, but can you blame me? If he so much as checks out other girls after he promised he wouldn't and told me that I wasn't worth losing then I'll leave and I won't look back. Much easier said than done. But if thats the case I don't want our baby being raised it that sort of environment. For now we are trying to rebuild what we have... and what we had. Its difficult because my trust in him, and my self confindence is completly shot. I still can't be intimate with him either, ( due to my stitches from when I had the baby) which I think may drive him away. (But I guess if thats all it takes to drive him away, hes not right for me anyways) I really, really HOPE this will work out. I want it to. Thank you EVERYONE for your advice, I just hope I'm heeding everyones warnings. *Trying to stay hopeful*
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A
female
reader, Faybelline  +, writes (9 February 2010):
 Having a baby puts a strain on any relationship but that doesn't excuse what he did.
The fact that he is showing remorse now could be seen as a good thing but, as you say, why didn't he think about it in the first place?
I wouldn't advise packing up and leaving just yet though; people make mistakes and he may well shape up and start acting more responsibly to you and the baby.
I think you should give it some time to see if things do improve. However, I do urge you to make it clear to him that if anything like this ever happens again, you won't hang around. He has made you feel so low and knocked your confidence a lot and this isn't on! You need to do what's best for you and your son and, if your boyfriend continues to behave this way, then you clearly aren't being given the respect you deserve.
Please, don't blame yourself for HIS wrongdoing and don't let this get you down.
I wish you the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, KayLeighP +, writes (9 February 2010):
 So he obviously had made some mistakes, but then he tried sorting out everything he did wrong so he could make things right with you. If you think he would be a good father and treats you right from now on you should stay with him, but if he breaks his promise obviously he will just keep doing it. Sorry if I am not much help,
Good luck though!
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