A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is still friends with his ex and I feel uncomfortable about it although I do trust that their relationship is platonic. They were schoolmates and 5 of them (4 guys including my bf plus her) were like really really good friends for a period of time, especially when one of them in that gang passed away due to a road accident. They were purely friends for about 2 years before they started dating when he was in army, but it only lasted 2 months and he dumped her cos he felt she was too clingy. Afterwards she cried and tried to get him back everyday, for like a month, and his friends told him she lost alot of weight etc but he totally stopped contacting her till 6 months after their breakup, and has continued their friendship till today (to this date they have been friends for 4 years starting from the time they met).The thing is, we've been dating for almost 8 months already, and I've spoken to him about this issue before, but he seems to think that it's okay and I'm being unreasonable to not let him stay in contact with his ex. He says they really only meet up every one or 2 months together with the remaining members of their gang, but she actually goes to his house and stuff (but that's also with another guy fren in the gang)..but the thought of her being in the same house with him when i'm not there just feels weird...my bf keeps asking me to turn up for gatherings whenever she's there if I feel uncomfortable but that's the thing...i DONT want to turn up when she's there, i have never seen her in real person yet and i think I would be quite jealous and uncomfortable if she's there.Then me and my bf nearly had a quarrel when I asked if we could visit his friend's grave (the one who passed away) separate or another time from the large group gathering cos she'd be there..he couldn't understand why I had to make him go there 2 times (even though the place is pretty near where he stays and not very inconvenient or far)..in the end I had to give in and said I would go when the friend's death anniversary comes up.Actually somewhere deep down I know they are just friends and I should just try to get over it but I just can't and I feel jealous thinking about her and them, I don't know how to get over it...been reading similar advice and some people said to be friends with the ex, but I think that is quite hypocritical and i don't think i could ever be friends with her even if I tried.I don't know how to get over it and I don't want to give him an ultimatum but i just wish she could go away.. or is there another way? I don't want to leave my bf either cos in every other sense he's been the sweetest and the best...pls help...thanks =)
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anniversary, his ex, jealous, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Once a happy man  +, writes (2 August 2009):
 First of all he should be more respectful of your feelings and if it upsets you that he is around her especally at a house without you he should give her up. How considerate is he about your feelings? Your lover should always come first.
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