A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would like to know if my boyfriend of 3 years is dragging his feet or should I move on?I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. We are both in our early early 30s.We talked about marriage and he says he wants it with me but doesn't mention it unless I say something. He has told me it will happen when it happens.I told him. Look I am not going to be your girlfriend forever, I would love to but I have my own wants and want more with someone. If you feel there is someone else, well then be fair and let me move on.He said I understand. No I don't think that.his responses have me confused, I would love your input on this. Thank you so much.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 January 2016):
It depends on why you want to get married. If you want to have some security before you embark on having children, the having children part is what you should be talking about with him.
If you want to get married because you've been together for a while and want to make it official, ask yourself why this is so important. If it's because of societal pressure or your family yakking about weddings, you should probably think it through more thoroughly. If it's because of practical things (i.e. when one of you gets hurt, the married person will be among the family first allowed in, whereas the girlfriend/boyfriend will have to wait, etc.) ask your bf why he keeps procrastinating.
A lot of guys are terrified of the idea of "being tied down" even if they do plan on spending the rest of their life with that person. My uncle and aunt have been together for 25 years (they met when they were in their late twenties) but they've only been married for 10 years, because he didn't want to get married. He just didn't like the idea, until ten years ago, when he was like "what the hell is my hangup anyway" and proposed to her.
So first figure out what it is about marriage you find so important, then decide whether it's really important for you to get married soon and then talk to him. But make up your mind first so you can present logical reasons for him.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (16 January 2016):
 Yes of course he is procrastinating. Many men find themselves putting off this decision. You will need to bring this to a head to get any change. I wouldn't presume to tell you how to do this. You probably already know the answer and the risk.
Before leaving the topic let me ask, why do you need to be married? There is no longer the stigma of children born out of wedlock in the western world that there once was.
Some couples have children first and get married further down the line. The times they are a changin'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2016): I have a boyfriend just like yours. I've also known him for 3 years. I've had enough of his apathy and his drift along attitude. The bottom line is his attitude has been like this from the start, which I have stopped excusing as laid back. I thought for a long time he just needed time for our relationship to build. He admitted recently when we first met he was still chatting online to other women for the first 6 months of our relationship. All this has made me feel unwanted. I want to feel desired emotionally even more than physically and to share goals hopes and dreams. It has affected my self esteem as I have watched friends meet a partner and be married within 3 years while my life just drifts. I am moving on because I feel I have not put my needs first. I hope my story helps give you strength to do what you need for a happy fulfilled life.
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