A
female
age
51-59,
*lmost Single Again
writes:Should I Stay or Walk Away for Good?I have been in tthe best loving happy relationship you could imagine for 8yrs then the next 2 have been difficult due to financial problems. This last year hs been the worst year of my life and ive been treated so badly im ready to walk away for good. My Partner works away from home alot and we have always talked endlessly untill recently when he wont answer my calls or he says he's too tired to talk. The excuses are endless and degrading. WE HAD A GREAT SEXLIFE BUT NOW THATS NOT GOOD AT ALL. My partner has been on the internet for hours on end on voyeur sites and sex sites. I recently discovered he's been buying Viagra which he first denied and then admitted but said that he got them because he's been working really long hours and then has to travel home to the North from down South for the weekend. He has been telling lots of lies and every little thing i do is an argument, which he then uses as an excuse to not answer his phone to me again. it.s either on vibrate or he forgot it or the battery was low etc. I've also been getting lots of cranky calls and txts which he says are my friends trying to cause trouble. He is so convincing and at times when we r together he is so loving again, i am totally confused. I am deeply hurt though because of the way he has treated me so cold and nasty I was a very confident popular girl with lots of friends but now i have become a misserable lonely pathetic nobody. I have started to drink more and I have experimented with Cocaine. He tells me one day he loves me but he wants more and then the next day he cant live without me. Our financial problems will be over this month due to me selling a house I had with a former partner and sadly i received a large inheritance from my Nan who I was very close to who passed away last year, So he says we will be ok again but im not sure im doing the right thing as im insecure now and my heart has been broken because im sure he's only treated me this bad because he has had an affair. But I love him so much and we were happy for along time so I want to know what any of you might think. Should I stay or Go? If he has been unfaithfull I definately could not stay in the relationship knowing that. He said he'd take a polygraph but I dont think he would go through with it. I think im going crazy. any advice welcome thanks.
View related questions:
affair, insecure, the internet, viagra Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 You both seem to have been scarred from the past few years' turmoil.
First thing, you need to fix you. Make addressing your substance abuse issues priority #1. If you're using drugs/alcohol to escape problems/issues, then you are exhibiting the same signs as an alcoholic. I'm not saying you are an alcoholic -- there is no way I could know that from your post, but I am saying your post describes some of the actions of one.
Yes, what you're enduring must be *very* difficult to go through sober, but numbing yourself from it all does not promote healing, or health.
How do you address your issue of substance abuse? AA meetings (http://www.aa-uk.org.uk/) are a good, free and an anonymous start, as well as CoDependents Anonymous meetings (http://www.coda-uk.org/). CoDependents Anon meetings are similar to AA meetings but they focus on relationship problems rather than substance abuse problems, although the issues are generally intermingled and still addressed. If you feel more comfortable in a private setting then start going to a therapist. They can walk you through your recovery. This is a MUST for you.
Second, I would be *very* distrustful of your partner right now. Viagra is only used for having sex. If he's filling out a prescrip for Viagra and not having sex with you, then he's having sex with someone else. What more do you need to know that he's cheating on you -- to walk in on him in the act? You need to first, take care of your own health. If you decide to go ahead and have sex with him from now on, do it with a condom. Get an STD test, and request that he does to, although you cannot make him.
This is just a start, but you cannot change him, only yourself. Better yourself, and hopefully he will follow.
Good luck. And take care of yourself!!!
A
female
reader, greyxskyxlullaby +, writes (18 July 2007):
This is a horrible situation. First of all, I think he could very well be cheating on you. Second of all, you deserve someone better than that. If he treats you like crap, and makes up pathetic excuses to doing so, and makes you feel like a nobody, you need to leave. No one deserves to be treated that way. And besides, you only have one life, and if you continue to stay with him, chances are its not going to get any better and one day you'll look back on your life and wish you could've changed it.
Walking away is hard to do when you still love someone, but in this case I think you should. No matter what you decide, I hope everything works out for you. Best of luck!
...............................
|
