A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello I have a situation here, and I don't have any idea what to do, I have been with my boyfriend 8 months, he is very sweet with me and he does everything to please me, he is always very busy with work and college but he always manage to make time for me we normally see each other 2-3 times a week. We have perfect chemistry, the sex is great, and we have share that we have a lot of feelings for each other. As I said before, we have been in this relationship for like 8 months, and my boyfriend has starting making coments about the possibility of spending the rest of our lifes together. He cares deeply for me, he is always worrie about my health because I don't have good health, however all this sounds perfect, but, last night I told him that I loved him, because I feel I am inlove with him, he told me that he doesn't like to feel those things,so obviously he doesn't love me, I comfront him about that, because we have such a good relationship, and this comes out of the blue, it was totally unexpected, i remember I told him, well you don't love me, and he would tell me like " but I do have a lot of feelings for you", I told him that I was going to leave him, and he asked me don't do it, because he has a lot of feelings for me. He has always tell me that he has never meet anyone like myself, he has always said that he hasn't like anyone as he likes me, and that he has never felt for anyone what he feels for me. This is also a guy that he has grew up in a family with strong lack of comunication, in that family no one shows emotion, he told me that maybe this is why he is the way he is. He told me, as he knows that I am thinking in leave him, he told me " we will figure it out, all couples have problems". He told me he was going to try to change as much as he can. I know that this is his first real relationship, because before myself, he has dated a couple of girls, but nothig has work, he always say that with me everything is perfect.I honestly don't know what to do, how can someone want to spend the rest of his life with you like that? He told me that he likes everything about me, that he likes spending time with me, that he has a lot of passion for me, he is always telling me how cute I look, how much he likes to listening myself to talk. He is even learning my native language. It is hard for me to believe that he doesn't love me. I don't know if I should stay in this relationship or leave. I am puzzeled and i don't have any idea what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chandra Mcmillan  +, writes (29 October 2008):
 Hi, I am writting this as an outsider and I always say the same thing I will never stand at one persons side when the other is not here to deffend themselves and how they feel. However I believe that your boyfriend has comittment issues, this can be for many reasons, if his parents were divorced it may have made him slightly nervous about saying the words I love you.
You do find that this is a very common accurance with both men and women. Your partner may not want to say those words in fear that you will leave and he will be hurt.
There is not anything anyone can say about you leaving as you have to follow your own path. However I would suggest having a relaxing evening together have a meal and a drink (If you do drink) and talk to each other. Dont shout or argue and take in each others points of view. i would personally advice that if you are happy with the man you are with and he makes you feel good and happy why throw it away he obviously has deep feelings for you to be the way he is and may just need more than 8 months to tell you He loves you.
I hope this will help and I hope you tell me how it goes!
Chandra :)
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