A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:As of a week ago my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me after a large argument. SHE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!She said I wasn't showing her any sort of affection. She was always doing things for me and not getting anything in return.This is all true. She still wants to remain my friend (everyone says that right?) After analyzing what I was doing an that the love of my life left me because I was too afraid to show her how much I truly cared for her.I decided to see a therapist. In hope that I would change and ultimately win her back.I had my first meeting yesterday and I right after I had coffee with my ex to talk about it. She had said that she would consider dating me again...if I could get my intimacy issues out of the way.My questions to you all are: 1) Do you think there is a strong chance of us getting back together?2) Should I still stay close to her like coffee once a week or something like that so that I can show her that I'm changing.
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female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (17 January 2011):
 No use blaming yourself for the past, you can only fix the future. This will show you what not to do next time. God has a plan for us all remember that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Are sure she left you because of lack of affection? If she did, don't you think she would be receptive to the affection you're trying to give her now?
My ex told me a similar excuse, and left me with the impression that she loved me but I didn't show her enough interest.
Later I found out that she had been cheating on me and ended up leaving me for the other guy.
My point is: her behaviour is not very consistent, so you might want to read between the lines a little before blaming yourself completely and wasting time and effort on getting her back.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 well, just you keep working on improving yourself anyway, it'll help you with your life in the future, whether its with her or someone new, and even just for your own happiness
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto update I fear that I have actually lost my chances at winning her back. She wants to maintain our friendship but deep down inside I feel that shes been hurt too bad. Thats what kills me. Because I did it and now its too late to change anything. I guess the next best thing to do is hope that no matter what happens to her in life she is always happy.
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A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (16 January 2011):
I think you should talk to her and find out what really needs to be done. Only she can tell you what she wants not any of us. We are excellent listeners, but by no means psychics. It is right not to be pushy, but it is also right for you to give her what she ask for. For a scenario like you described when she said no to dinner, you should have ordered and paid for it to be delivered. She is angry with you and like you said you prob deserve it, but the dinner was a nice thought. Give her time but never stop trying. I've seen in the movies where songs outside the window work but you never know lol. Find out if she's serious about the second chance if not you still need to change for the next one. Let us know.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (16 January 2011):
see her but don't be too pushy. if you feel like it is always you that suggests the meetings, hold back a bit. let her sometimes ask to see you. if she doesn't ask, then maybe she doesn't want to see you, so unfortunately you'll just have to respect her wishes. you have admitted yourself that she was the one always doing stuff for you but getting nothing back, so do something for her now: go at her pace; don't rush her!
good luck with this xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI always thought distance was better... but I guess I'm wrong. I wanted to thank everyone for your input.
Last week when I had coffee with her I offered to bring her dinner that night since she wasn't feeling well and she turned me down. SO it makes me feel that she doesn't want me to stop by and do things for her. So I haven't but do you all think I still should?
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female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (16 January 2011):
She is vulnerable right now so your wise to stay close so no one takes advantage of that. Send her flowers, let her know you care wasn't that the problem to begin with? Do things for her make that effort. Do you remember the things she said you never do? If so then do them show her your changing and you wont give up don't put distance between you. I personally think seeing her once a week isn't enough she wanted more affection remember? Give her what she wants!
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (16 January 2011):
hi
1) if she has said she would consider getting back with you if you sort your issues out, then yes, you may be able to get her back, but it depends on YOU doesn't it? you will only get out of therapy what you are willing to put in. it is not a magic wand, so give it your best shot :)
2) yes, why not carry on seeing her for coffee etc if she is happy to do this too. it'll keep her in the loop as to how you are getting on with the therapy so she can make a choice whether to take you back or not.
BUT question your motives for accepting therapy. is it because you GENUINELY believe you need to and want to change or is it just a case of doing so you can gain favour with her. and ask yourself HONESTLY why you feel the need to keep in contact with her. is it because you want to prevent her from maybe meeting someone else who has a clean slate with her?
good on you for getting help with your problems. do whatever you TRULY believe is the right thing by your (ex) girlfriend and this will help you too
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Well by the sounds of it she does love you, and just wants you to show it, so there is a very high chance that you could get back together.
And yes you should definately go out with her about once a week for something like a coffee, or something to eat etc, make sure you start to show her slightly that you still have feelings for her, pay her a compliment, offer to pay for her etc these things always give you bonus points for effort :D
I would also like to say if you do get back together then make sure you show her how you feel about her, take her out for meals, the cinema, buy her some flowers sometimes, also a nice present to always give her is a photoframe with your favourite picture of you both :) also tell her how much you love her, its not a bad thing to express your love, as a female I love to hear my boyfriend tell me how much he loves me :)
I hope I have helped you and I wish you all the best in the future and I hope she comes around :)
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