A
female
age
41-50,
*stanie
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. We haven't been intimate yet. I know it's because he is paranoid about pregnancy. I went on birth control; the mirena, so I can't get pregnant in 5 years. I live with my mom and siblings and so does he. He plans on getting his own place now so we can be intimate. He asked me to bare with him and be a little more patient til he gets his place. I do understand where he is coming from and he is a great guy where I will wait, but I'm still unhappy. He has noticed that I've been upset with him and wants me to open up and talk to him about how I feel and what am I thinking about. I've told him in the meantime we can talk more and spend more time together cause I love to be with him. But he has a busy schedule and spends everyday with me already...and he feels like, what else can he do? Is there something wrong with me? Am I selfish to want to either be intimate or spend more time together? I want to feel wanted and I'm not getting that. Should I stay in a relationship if I'm not entirely happy? How can I express my feelings if nothing changes? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (31 July 2008):
 This is one of those rare cases where a guy is actually being responsive to your feelings (yeah, I know, we're creatures of habit and sometimes miss the whole interpersonal thing). I think you should take him up on his offer to talk it out and go ahead and lay all the cards on the table. Tell him how you feel and don't hold back... see what he's got to contribute to your feeling sad and see if he has an idea... like maybe and escape weekend someplace (anyplace other than your hometown)... then, the need to having a place on his own might not be so pressing...
I don't know... it seems like you both could use of quality time with each other way from everything familiar and everyone you know... but I still think that you should be talking to him directly over seeking our advice. He's going to be the best source of the remedy in this case (IMO).
A
female
reader, talker +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Time apart is supposed to make people miss each other. If he has a busy schedule, you hardly ever see him, (and you like him) then it makes sense that you would want to spend more time with him. That means that there is a connection there. However, if it's the case that you don't miss and you don't want to hang out with him, then I would say that the unhappiness is coming from you being a relationship that you don't want to stay in.
Is it that the lack of intimacy is making you anxious? Should it matter if you weren't able to intimate with him for a longer time? Or could it be that you see his not being intimate with you as a sign that he might not like you or be that into you...?
You have to pin point why it is that you feel so unhappy and then it will make it easier to find out if you want to stay at it or leave it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Jia  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 No relationship is without flaws, and you can't be happy in one all the time, but he doesn't really sound like the guy for you. You need someone to make you feel wanted and loved, someone who puts their heart and soul into the relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting more intimacy in your relationship, it's perfectly natural to want that. I think it's a capital idea that he's going to have his own place, but at the same time I don't think he'll have his hands all over you the instant you walk through the threshold.
If this continues, then maybe you should try telling him where you're coming from, and try to work something out. If you were any older, I'd say you should dump him, but seeing as you are fairly young, I think you should hang tight for about another year or so and then if nothing happens then you should get out of that relationship. After all, you shouldn't waste your time on someone who's not fulfilling your needs when the ever looming clock is ticking.
...............................
|
