A
male
age
41-50,
*napickle
writes:So i have been married for 7 years now and, I am finding that everyday i am falling more and more out of love with my spouse. we have 2 beautiful boys together and hate the idea that they may see us not getting along or fighting. My biggest fear is not being able to have custody of the children if a divorce is to happen. with that said I have actually been involved with another woman for the last three months and care quite a bit for her. So i guess my question is how do you tell someone that you have been with for so long that you don't love them anymore?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): If you never fight or discus anything than how are you ever supose to mend anything in your relationship. Comunication is key in any relationship, and sex bc it conects you to another level as man and wife. If your going to continue to cheat on your wife than it would be best to get a devorce. The children will suffer the most. If you can have more comunication with your wife than you may over time fall back in love with her again, no comunication over a period of time makes the person feel like a stanger or a friend that you havent seen in many yours. The woman that you've been with is there comunication as there was between you and your wife before you became distant from one another. A new relationship is always easyer to build from than one that is already formed but is beginning to shatter. If you fix the foundation than the rest is easyer to fix.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): your marriage is not unhappy - your wife is blissfully unaware of your doings. your marriage is not in trouble - but you are . you are changed the rules in your marriage, you have introduced a third party here. you have violated your marriage and wife. your mistress has no qualms about having an affair with a married man, does she make it a habit to have married men in her life. your wife cannot fix her marriage if she is unaware that something is broken, you need to tell her immediately of your decision to move to this other woman. then at least your wife will be on the same page as you. that way it gives her an opportunity to move on too. plse do not steal any more years of her life. now that you have decided you want your lover, please release your wife. she too is very young and she will find someone to full the void in her life.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): the only reason you are falling out of love with your wife is because you have been cheating and having sex with this your lover. this nonsense about your boys- do you even care about them. don't worry they will survive a divorce, better have one stable parent than a father who can't keep it in his pants. you have been giving it to this other woman instead of keeping it for your wife. so just end your wifes misery and let her move on. she is young, she will find a decent man who will be loyal and faithful. she deserves it. if you cannot value your wife then just end it. plse do not be a coward and blame her. you have changed. you want someone else so plse be MAN ENOUGH and admit that you are the wrongdoer in your marriage. stop acting like you care. you do not. at least be honest. even if it is to strangers. do you think your other woman will even want you to have custody of your boys/ she will just want you for herself and guess what she is welcomed to you. you have started a trend in your life. very soon your lover will not be able to keep you happy. for now the sex is great because you are investing in stolen time, investing in the sordid and forbidden. soon she will get stale and then what. move onto someone else?
yur wife'slife is just too precious for you to f*ck up any more. divorce her, she will hurt but at least she is available to meet decent men. men that will not cheat and blame her. you are not the man for her so please just end it and allow her to move on. good men are hard to find , she obviously did not find the right one first time, but she is young and she will find a decent somebody.
your words contradict - "i am falling more and more out of love with my spouse............I have actually been involved with another woman...and care quite a bit for her. ..........how do you tell someone that you have been with for so long that you don't love them anymore? " you have already made up your mind that you do not want your wife, well what is stopping you. at least grow some balls and tell your wife today that you have been unfaithful, so that she can start planning the first day of the rest of her life. and don't worry about your beautiful boys........your wife will take good care of them.
...............................
A
female
reader, audie  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 if u want out i suggest you do just that- for the sake of your kids. i grew up with parents that could'nt stand each other. they were always at each other's throats, fighting all the time. it was hell for me i wished they'd just get divorced and be through with it. as i grew older i started to figure out they wer only together coz of us kids and that made it worse. i blamed myself for thier unhappiness. i wished we hadnt been born so they could part ways and be happy. they wer sleeping in seperate rooms and my dad was cheating.it was terrible and i wouldnt wish it on anyone. if you feel your marriage isnt worth fighting for then get a divorce.xx
...............................
A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (12 June 2009):
 she wil be able to divorce you on the grounds of your "unreasonable behaviour". also, you say you hate " the idea" of you and your wife fighting-i think the big problem here is that there is no real communication in your marriage.
go to relate and get a marriage counsellor. its what adults do.
adults do not try to slink away without a row. discussion can lead to solutions.
good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Firstly, are you sure you don’t love you wife?
The reason I ask is because you have eyes for someone else. Are you sure it’s not just sex? You see her and its stolen moments, wishing things were different. You are under a huge amount of stress and making decisions like the one you want to make is clouded.
Nobody said marriage is easy or like a fairy tale. Sometimes having children changes the dynamics of the person you fell in love with but isn’t that what love is changing with each other and going on a journey together.
What did the anon male down below say, which I thought was great advice……. “Please don’t make the same mistake I did, look at your wife with fresh eyes, look at your kids and realise what you have to lose. It’s all up to you now.”
Yes, open your rosy coloured eyes and see your wife through fresh eyes. Stop seeing the other women and see if you are truly unhappy with your marriage. Leave because you tried and failed not for another woman.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Firstly, are you sure you don’t love you wife?
The reason I ask is because you have eyes for someone else. Are you sure it’s not just sex? You see her and its stolen moments, wishing things were different. You are under a huge amount of stress and making decisions like the one you want to make is clouded.
Nobody said marriage is easy or like a fairy tale. Sometimes having children changes the dynamics of the person you fell in love with but isn’t that what love is changing with each other and going on a journey together.
What did the anon male down below say, which I thought was great advice……. “Please don’t make the same mistake I did, look at your wife with fresh eyes, look at your kids and realise what you have to lose. It’s all up to you now.”
Yes, open your rosy coloured eyes and see your wife through fresh eyes. Stop seeing the other women and see if you are truly unhappy with your marriage. Leave because you tried and failed not for another woman.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I dont think that staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids is the way to go, although I wonder just how much of this 'unhappiness' is from you comparing your girlfriend with your wife. What you are experiencing is the excitement of the forbidden. You will discover once you have left your wife for another woman that this other woman, will probably not trust you since you were cheating on your wife with her. And with all relationships, both parties need to keep the 'home fires burning'.
I suggest you and your wife go to marriage counselling to sort out whatever issues you both may have.
If you do divorce your wife for this other woman, do you realise your kids are going to see this other woman as the destroyer of their home and the one that took their daddy away from their mommy.
...............................
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (12 June 2009):
 i guess you just have to say that your feelings for her have outgrown you.
you've not longer got the same feelings as you've done before.
you can't stay for the kids sakes no matter how much you feel it's best.
they'll sense there is a tension between you and your spouse and it'll effect them they'll feel the environment is unhappy and they'll too feel unhappy.
you just need to tell your spouse about how you're feeling in the relationship and do what's best for you all.
you cannot stayed with a woman you're no longer in love with it's unfair on her and yourself and the children along with it because you'll be living in a lie.
do what's best now before it's too late :)
and i am sure your wife will let you see your children after all you are still there Dad :)
hope this helps.
best of luck
x x x x x x
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): you do not tell the mother of your children that you do not love her anymore. You work on the marriage and try all avenues of putting the spark back and keeping the family together. You have met someone else who naturally will be more appealing when you feel this way, but after time this will fade trust me.
let this other woman go before your wife is hurt in the worst possible way, start to date your wife again and get to know each other all over again.
i did the same as you met someone else, thought it was great, thought i did not love my wife. I got what i wanted and the attraction with the other girl soon left when all we had were each other.
i sit alone now, whishing for my family back, seeing my children each sunday, and knowing they are spending most of there time with her new boyfriend kills me.
please dont make the same mistake i did, look at your wife with fresh eyes, look at your kids and realise what you have to lose. Its all up to you now.
...............................
|
