A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and our relationship journey has been one of the toughest I have ever experienced with anyone.During our time together, we have had to put up with travelling 90mins each way to see each other as we both have jobs in different cities, not to mention my partner living with his brother - the relationship between the 2 of them is very fickle (they barely speak to each other now and my partner's brother is the most grubby, dirty person to live with) He is impossible to deal with socially too as he doesn't speak much and answers a sentence with 1 word so it makes it tough when I go there.Anyways, my partner and his brother bought the house they are currently living in over 5 years ago and both of them agreed to renovate the place, sell it and move on. Renovations began 2 years ago when they both had enough money to start and I personally have spent 2 years on the weekends at their place painting, ripping up tiles, helping out with jobs around the house, making meals for tradesman....it's been a very tiring journey. My partner has been saying all along that when their house sells, he'll be able to move closer to me and then the 2 of us can get engaged.So the house went on the market 6 weeks ago....no luck with a sale yet. Not even a single offer. I suggested dropping the price of the house, but both brothers have a set amount they want. I have started suggesting to my partner a few times (regardless of the place selling) to move out of the unhealthy environment where he currently is (living with his brother is getting to him and has been for many years) but he keeps on thinking about the money. He earns a great wage but will not rent elsewhere until his place sells even if it means being closer to me and not living with his lazy brother anymore. All he sees is the money side of things and won't spend a cent more than he needs to. I even suggested he rents his current room out and find another room to rent but he thought of every excuse under the sun why it was a bad idea and how it would eat into his finances.Tonight we got into a very heated argument over the phone as I suggested for the first time maybe we could look at engagement as it will bring us closer together (I want to be engaged before living with someone as I have tried living with an ex partner in the past and it hasn't worked) My partner became so angry and told me that engagement is just a stupid piece of paper and that if he moves out of his place he won't only have to rent a place closer, but he'll have to "fork out" (these were his words) for a ring. He made engagement sound like a piece of crap and I felt awful after he said it. He has made it clear he wants to commit after his place is sold....but my fear is; What if it doesn't sell for another year or two? Do I wait and hope for a ring when HE is ready based on the sale of his house? I was really shocked at his reaction. It seems to me like he is very stubborn. He has his set goal or plan and won't budge until that goal is reached.Is it wrong of me wanting the 2 of us to be closer after 2.5years of hard times? It just feels like a big waiting game for me the fact that our future is relying on the sale of a house.My questions are; Should I stay in this relationship hoping for a ring and a "piece of paper" one day or is it maybe time to find someone who isn't relying on the right place, time, financial point in life to be ready to be with me?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2017):
 2.5 years of hard times? You feel distance is hard times, try living on the streets for that long and you might change your point off view. Look at the end off the day he is not willing to meet you in the middle. It seems he got angry because he is not ready to make such a commitment to you. 2.5 years is a long time yes, but long distance its not really, he may need more time to make such a commitment. What worries me though is you both don't seem to communicate very well with each other. He is not willing to compromise to be with you and he sees himself and his finances as his own. He does not sound ready to share his life with you. To some being engaged is not a big deal and for others it is. It sounds like you both want different things.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (3 May 2017):
 I think you should be asking a completely DIFFERENT question: how will I get on with my partner long term when we have such different views on things like money, and he is so inflexible and uncompromising?
Money is one of the main reasons couple argue and also one of the main reasons they end up drifting apart. You appear (based solely on what you have posted) to have a much healthier attitude towards money than your partner does. You have already had evidence of his inflexibility where money is concerned. Are you prepared for the possibility of going through similar arguments every time there are financial decisions to be made?
I would also question whether I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone who had so little regard for my happiness. An engagement is not just "a piece of paper". Last time I looked there was no paper involved at all. It is not a marriage certificate, it is simply a token to show you intend getting married at some time in the future. To some it is important, to others it is not. To you it is important but your boyfriend's love of money appears more important - unless, of course, he is simply not ready for such a commitment yet and is just not telling you this.
Consider this: if you are arguing so much about an engagement ring, how much stress and friction will there be between you when it comes to the wedding? And when it comes to having children (who are a HUGE expense!).
Think long and hard about this one, sweetheart. Based solely on what you have posted, I think the past two years are just a small indication of the hardships you will go through if you stay in this relationship.
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