A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have an issue that is sort of complicated. I have an ex fiancé and we have a son who is currently 3 years old. We were together about 4 and a half years or so. The reason we broke up is well he had cheated on me with a woman he had met. This started problems with us which ultimately ended our relationship. I tried to make it work, and he was for making it work at first too, especially for our sons sake. but then suddenly he did not want to be with me anymore. When we split up, he immediately went to the girl he cheated with for support and somebody to be there for him. They would eventually start dating, and have been together ever since. He wouldn't tell me til months after we split that he fell out of love and had a better connection with the other woman. I was very hurt but at that point there was nothing I could go. My son comes first and I have always pushed aside my feelings for my ex to make sure my son is happy and has a great relationship with his father. No question about that, no problems there. My problem is my ex fiancé wants to remain friends and go out together for lunch, have a good/close friendship if you will. What happens was I went out to lunch with him a few days ago just to talk and discuss our son. He took a phone call from his girlfriend and the way he talked to her was the same way he use to talk to me. He excused himself for a minute to continue talking but I over heard him tell her how much he loved her and he made a sexual remark to her, a remark he used to say to me that I loved. My heart sank and I just felt very sad. I'm not in love with him anymore, but I still miss him and care about him, I'm still attracted to him and I'm still sour about his cheating and how he treated me after our relationship. I don't think I trust him to be friends with him really. He still tells me he cares and will always love me and still gets upset and angry when he thinks about how we broke up, but I feel like he picked another woman over me and his son? You know? What do you guys think? Should I put everything aside and stay good friends with him for our sons sake? Or just only remain in contact when it comes to our son?
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2016): My parents are divorced as my dad had an affair. They are now friends and we have actually all been out together with my dads new partner (not affair one) and my mums new partner,a friend of my dad's. It is so much nicer and less stressful for me and my sister this way. However it took a long time to get to this point. I think it is way too early days for you to be friends especially as you say you still have feelings for your ex.Maybe it is something you could consider in the future when you've moved on and would probably be nice for your son (nothing worse than parents bitching about each other!) but for now just stay civil let your ex have his relationship with your son and you concentrate on healing yourself /moving forward.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 March 2016):
 I wouldn't want to be friends with him. I'd be civil, but that is as far as I would go.
Let's say your son has a football game, then yes you can both go and if you feel like it sit together, but being friends? Nah, you don't need to do that. Being civil and polite is just fine.
He wants the "friendship" to soothe himself and to try and downplay what he really DID to his family (you and his son) which is not really a good reason for a friendship.
...............................
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (24 March 2016):
I'm good friends with my ex husband. But in our case it was mutual and nobody cheated. If you can, then it is the best thing for your child.
That said, it is still too soon and your wounds are too fresh. I'd put a hold on any attempt at friendship just for now, until you are able to fully heal. For now just be civil, and have an adult conversation with him, letting him know that eventually you hope to be friends, but for now you need time to heal.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 March 2016):
 This man is not your friend, however, he is the father of your child and for your child's sake you can have an amicable relationship with him.
There are going to be lots of milestones and special days that you and your ex will be celebrating with the child you share (as well as the occasional not so pleasant times broken arms and childhood ailments etc) so while its best all round that you can talk to each other without wanting to spit in his face, you don't owe him more that general politeness.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 March 2016):
 I don't think ex's can remain good friends after a break up because there is always a lot of feelings there. He has moved on and is in a relationship with the woman he cheated on you with, so naturally you are going to be upset at times, and it will continually bring up bad feelings. He wants to remain good friends with you so he feels less guilty for cheating on you.
My best advice is to remain in contact with him purely for your sons sake. I wouldn't be going out for lunch with him. A phone call to organize custody would be as far as I would go and a polite conversation when handing over your child. Remember that you don't owe him anything, and as long as you are allowing him a relationship with his son then really that is all that is expected from you.
...............................
|
