A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man about a year ago and became close friends. There was clearly chemistry and after a few months things progressed, we slept together and started hanging out a lot more. Things only got physical 5 or 6 times before it became obvious that I expected more from the situation than just friendship. I'm not cool with 'friends with benefits' scenarios and had stated that, he has the same opinion but hasn't got the time or inclination to commit to a relationship but wanted to take things more slowly than me.....classic situation I know!He's older than me and been married or in relationships most of his life and at this point in his life is embracing doing what he wants without answering to anyone. I can understand that so whilst I'm a little sad that it didn't work out I don't feel any resentment towards him.My question is whether to stay friends with him or not. I do care for him dearly but as we don't have mutual friends if we continued this friendship, aside from the physical aspect things wouldn't be much different than before. What should the boundaries be here? How can I make sure we don't go down that road again when it's always just the 2 of us hanging out? And how do I deal with it when inevitably another woman comes on the scene? I've told him I need some space to sort my head and really I'm fine but I don't want to set myself up for an even greater fall but I don't want to lose what could be a fantastic friendship either. Can this ever work? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 June 2014):
 What do you get out of a friendship with him that you can't get anywhere else? If you can't come up with a compelling answer then maybe the choice to not be friends is wise. There is a difference between being friendly and being friends.
I would not make too much of an effort to remain friends but if it happens naturally then go for it.
IF another woman coming on the scene is going to bug you, then you are not ready to be friends with him.
I would make sure you are never alone in his home or your home for the longest time... it will be an awkward and weird friendship for a while if it works out at all.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (31 May 2014):
 Your both mature enough to make it work. However if you are emotionally attached to him friends won't work.
Its a shame. You could distance yourself, only see him once a month or so, doing something particular, going to an event say where there's no temptation.
Also, start dating others so he's just somebody for outings here n there and not the one and only.
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