A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok...So where do I start...I ended things with my ex, about a year and a half ago, he wasn't happy, but he left me no choice, it broke my heart and I never wanted to do it, but I had to.He asked me not to, tried to stop it etc, but it happened.After that,we decided to stay friends, which probably was not the best idea, but I didn't want him gone, and I don't think he wanted me gone either, so we stayed friends.It started off ok, but then jealousy over stupid things crept in etc, and we would fight and get rather emotional with each other, but we still agreed to stay friends.We would tell each other how we mmissed each other, he would tell me how heart sore he was, how we still wanted each other etc. We stayed friends.He then got involved with this other girl, who he has been with for a year now.I was devastated when I found out, but I ended things with him...So it is only fitting he meet someone else... Right??Anyway, so we maintained our "friendship" over the course of their realtionship, but it has never just been friendship, and no matter how hard we tried, it was never just friendship.I wanted him still, and he wanted me, and we told each other this, many a time.I eventually told him about a month ago, that it was not right, we could not keep haivng these conversations etc, becasue it is not fair on the girlfriend or on me!! And he needs to decide what he wants.I actually tried to end the friendship, but he wouldn't let me!!!Anyway, since that conversation,things just got more intense between he and I.And I have realised what I have been trying to hide for so long, and what I thought was gone, I am secretly in love with him, or maybe not so secretly; I don't know...We had an incident over this past weekend, he came to my house, he wanted me, I didn't give in, it was hard, but I didn't give in.We ended up having a fight, when I lost my temper with him.I eventually just threw something at him and told him to get out...not so politely though...;-)On Monday, we had it out again, and I confessed everything to him, my feelings etc, I told him he needs to decide what he wants, because I can't do this with him anymore, it hurts me too much, he needs to decide why after a year, he still keeps coming back to me and why he wants me, when he has her, I told him everything.I said good bye to him, and wished him luck and happinees for his life. I have deleted his number, and I think he has probably deleted mine.He is not talking to his girlfriend either, they have broken up, on Sunday I think it was.I am so sad and not very happy, I miss him,and the last thing I want is him gone from life, but I can't sit there and potentially be his "cake" on the side, or the other girl, or carry on with him in my life if I can't have him, because, I don't ever see things changing between us, as long as we are in each other's lives.We can't just be friends', it is not possible, and so far I have been very good, I have not given into the temptation, but we can't just be friends'!!!I just don't know if he even cares about what has happened, has it upset him???Or is it just me.I know his girlfriend is devastated!!I am trying to just move on now, properly and officialy in the way I should have a year and a half ago, but this is not easy, how do you just forget about someone, who means so much to you, and who you have had consistently everyday in your life for the past two and a half years?Not a day has gone by in that period that he and I have not spoken to each other, every day we talk, everyday we have contact. We have been in each others lives, every day consistently!!!Who does he want and what does he want??Does anyone have any ideas??Or am I just blinded by this and Can't see it???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): I know what you are going through because I am thick in it right now. It's obvious to me that he cares for you but were the one that broke up with him, remember. Maybe he is afraid to re-commit to you for fear that you will break up with him again. You didn't mention the reason why you wanted to break up in the first place, so I am assuming that it could not have been such a terrible thing since you maintained some sort of a relationship afterwards.
- Any who, hang in there. I hope all works out for the better :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): Hi, while reading your post, I was reminded of my own situation. My bf and I broke up and he wanted to remain friends, and I couldn't, b/c I have too many feelings for him. The same thing happened - the jealousy, fights, etc. So I stopped talking to him for a week, and he ended up coming back to me, only things still didn't work out. So we tried being just friends again. It didn't work. We've been in contact ever since, but things aren't the same. It sounds like your guy is confused about what he wants. I know it's very difficult to suddenly cut someone out of your life completely, but it might be the best thing right now. It sounds like you need to concentrate on yourself, and your life, and let him do his thing. Let him contact you. Do you want him back? Or are you unsure of what you want as well? I think you should give him sometime to himself so he can sort through his thoughts. IF you want him back, give him time and space to do so. If you want to be just his friend, it's going to take a lot of work and time. You can't just jump into a friendship right away with all these feelings - it's difficult. Take things slowly - you should hold the reins. Hope this helps a little...
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