A
male
age
41-50,
*monty78
writes:I began dating my now ex-girlfriend in December of 2007. In June of 2008 we decided to move her in with me because we were very much in love and we were driving 40 miles 2 or 3 times a week to see one another. She was having a hard time finding a job here in her field and my business was slowing down because of our terrible economy. I decided it was best if we both moved back in with our folks for a couple of months while we both got back on our feet financially, and sometime this spring I was going to buy, or build us a home and she was going to move back here.I moved her home on the 15th of November 2008. After she moved back home she seemed to slowly distance herself from me. We stayed together through the holidays, my birthday was New Years Eve which we spent together with friends and my family and after that she started acting strange. On the 10th of January she split up with me saying she needed to focus on her daughter, going back to school to become an RN and that I needed to focus on my daughter and my business, and maybe in a few months we could try it again. She also begged me to stay friends with her saying I was her best friend and she didn't want to lose that.I read ''the magic of making up'' a highly rated book on getting back together, immediately after we split and it basically said to leave her be and she will come back if I don't pressure her.The first 4 or 5 weeks we would communicate a few days and then I wouldn't hear from her, and this went on repeatedly. Finally I decided I couldn't keep putting my heart through this, so I wrote her a long letter basically telling her I had to stop talking to her because the on again off again communication was killing me inside. I told her how much I cared but I had to walk away and when she wanted me in her life she could get a hold of me.Two days later I shut off her cell phone because I wasn't going to keep paying the bill if we were no longer together. She shipped the phone back to me with nothing inside except the phone and charger and I didn't hear from ehr after that. Two weeks ago she deleted me from her MySpace account but left a few pictures up of us. I didn't react to it.I then called her best friends husband a few days later because he is a client of mine and I needed to update some things on his insurance policy. I didn't mention her name once, I said I was doing well and in one month made a quarter of the income I did in all of last year. I made it sound as if life was wonderful. The next day she called and I didn't answer because I didn't know her new number. She left a very polite message asking if she could meet with me sometime next week to pick up the rest of her things, which is a few kitchen things I know she doesn't need right away because she lives with her folks, and a massage table that she never even uses. I didn't call her back. That after noon she texted me, asking if I had recieved her message. I didn't reply. That night she called again while I was asleep. I waited it out and texted her the following evening and told her I was extremely busy with my new business endeavors and that she would have to get a hold of me in a couple of weeks. I didn't want her to think I was anxious to see her, and wanted to polietly blow her off like she had previously done me since we split up.She texted me back and said ''fine. btw, didn't know I needed to find myself. hey, got my license back today.'' I congratulated her and she texted back again trying to make small talk and I responded politely saying '' I am happy for you.'' And then we quit texting.My question is this.....I know she doesn't need her stuff immediately because it is of no use to her right now, and if it was that important to have right away then she would have made more attempts to get with me right away to accomplish this and probably would have made a big ''to do'' about it. And she didn't.So since she got a new phone number and I made no attempt to contact her and find out this new number, I often think that may be one reason for deleting me from MySpace, trying to get a reaction out of me. And since I didn't react to that she had to think of something else, which a good ''excuse'' to get in touch with me would be to pick up her things. I also wonder if she would have called had I not talked to her best friends husband and told him how well life was going for me now. I really don't know what to think.I wonder if I should start initiating contact with her, or leave it be, and let her contact me again in a week or two for her stuff. And from that point I wonder if I should maybe ask her to lunch and see if I can slowly try to rekindle things, or wait for her to let me know she is missing me still. What are your opinions? And thank you for taking the time to read this. I am lost without her, but want to make sure I take the right steps so I don't push her even further away.
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female
reader, bootyboot +, writes (9 March 2009):
this was a long one.
here's my thought, and this is from the female perspective..i think you should let this girl go. it doesn't sound so much like she wants you back but more wishful thinking on your part. she probably wants her stuff back because it is hers, and she doesn't want it sitting at your place.
the myspace deletion i'm sure had to do with the fact you shut off her phone, and the only way she could let you know she was mad at you was by deleting your account!
don't read too much into this girl, she sounds like she's busy and moved on, that there is some unspoken anger there, and that you need to move on.
there are other chickens in the sea, but next time, i wouldn't move in with someone i knew only 6 months, that is asking for trouble. give them a year or more so you can really get to know them. they say the honeymoon period in a relationship lasts 6 months, then things begin to change. maybe by christmastime she felt you were not the guy for her or she had other worries in her life and didn't need a steady right then.
this girl was trying to get her RN license and take care of a little daughter, she's got a lot on her plate.
so the moral here is, that maybe, just maybe she might be trying to get back with you, but I highly doubt it. I would remain civil with her, let her get her stuff and be out of your life. Don't keep trying to be vindictive or get a reaction from her because it only makes you look bitter. She might be impressed if you are acting adult about.
So let her get her stuff, and if she does change her mind about wanting to get bak together, then let her contact you. she made you miserable, and now it's your turn!
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