A
female
age
26-29,
*rushcrushcrush
writes:I'm currently a college freshman studying abroad, and there's this guy who's a senior, also from my country, whom I met back in May, when he finished his junior year and flew back to our hometown. It turned out that he lives at a 5-minute walk from my home, so we went out quite a bit last summer, I'd say around 2 to 3 times a week, either for walks in the park or to cafes around town. Everything was completely platonic, we talked, joked, but never went beyond that. Now we've been in college for two months, and I find myself spending most of my free time with him. We eat together, watch movies and shows together, we message throughout the day. And when we watch stuff together, we cuddle up really close to each other. We go out to the city together, and we pretty much spend anywhere in between 1 to 6 hours a day either talking or just being in the same space.I'm a bit conflicted. So, I know he likes spending time with me, otherwise he wouldn't ask me over to his dorm. Here comes the tricky part. I also know he is in some sort of long-distance relationship with a girl that he never talks about, and had pictures of on his nightstand the first week of college that then mysteriously disappeared. Also whenever her name pops up when we're watching something on his laptop, he completely ignores it. Last summer when they spent 2 weeks traveling throughout our home country (she's from a different country than the two of us), he just referred to her as "a friend". But her facebook posts and the fact that she has a picture of the two of them as her profile picture suggest otherwise. And I don't know how to feel about this guy. I'd like him to be more than just a friend. I feel that we're already doing everything a couple would do, other than, of course, the sexual stuff, and I've had people ask me if we're a couple, others ask me if we're "friends with benefits". But at the same time, I know that if I somehow hint at wanting more, I might ruin the friendship between us. Should we just stay in this comfortable arrangement we're in now, or should I somehow try to take this to the next step? And how can I do that?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 October 2014):
 I think you should leave things as they are. He is referring her to friend on facebook and hiding her pictures because he feels guilty of spending that much time with you. He knows that his girlfriend would not approve this friendship if she knew. As a guy he will think sexual thoughts when he's with you although hiding it well. He's not saying anything because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. He wants you to do the job. Like if you are the reason they broke up he won't feel as bad. Don't be that person. He needs to muster up that courage and do the break up deed himself. It's only until then you can try take this to the next level. Right now don't say anything or tell him what to do. As long as you keep things platonic you are not doing anything wrong.
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