A
female
age
36-40,
*agaret
writes:I need some help to solve my hesitation please. So this is the case :I am 23, student , about to graduate. About 5 months ago, i met a guy who is 29. He volunteered to teach at my university. He and i had feelings for each other , but we did not let anyone else know this . We had some secret dates. They were sweet. We kissed and did nothing but showing respect to each other ( He is Westerner and i am Asian ). Then he had to go back to his country and said that he wanted to be back . We have kept in touch so far . In our recent flirtatious text messages , i have been the first one who shows to think about sex and joked in a very naughty way .I gave him signs that i want sex after my graduation when he is back. He welcomes that. Since then , we still chat about other things like work , study , but the topic of sex has been mentioned more often .Some days ago , he wrote on his profile page a sentence that made me wonder : He is going by instinct . This makes me worried whether his feelings for me has changed to be something more physical than mental like it used to be . While he was with me , I was very timid and shy on our dates , but in our online conversation and text messages I have been very much daring . I wonder whether my confusing attitudes has made him think I was pretend to be naïve ( actually I am a virgin and it was not easy to show my desires for him at that time ) . Now i dont know whether i should continue showing him my desires or nor . If you were that guy , what would you judge me ?
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male
reader, Who  +, writes (27 April 2009):
 “Now i dont know whether i should continue showing him my desires…”I’m guessing yes, continue, but also talk mostly about other things.“I gave him signs that i want sex after my graduation when he is back. He welcomes that.”No kidding.“I wonder whether my confusing attitudes has made him think I was pretend to be naïve ( actually I am a virgin and it was not easy to show my desires for him at that time )”Before he arrives back to see you, write him to clear up any confusion. Tell him you want him in many different ways, and you hope he wants you the same in return. Say you want what you had before, but now some more added. Say you do not want sex with any man and you do not only want sex with him. Tell him you are inexperienced and you two are going to have to go slow. The first time you are alone together you should not go farther then you have gone before. You can go a little farther each additional time you are alone. Keep in mind almost everyone’s first few times is awkward, with a lot of fumbling and a few miss steps. You and your guy need to constantly talk, about what is working for you all and what is not. It is not that hard to figure out; as you can read on this site 13 year olds figure it out.“This makes me worried whether his feelings for me has changed to be something more physical than mental like it used to be .”You should be able to figure out if this is the case the first few times you see him again.“We had some secret dates.”OK I’m a little worried about this. Were they secret because you were student and teacher, and dating was not allowed? If so I think that’s OK. If they were secret because he wanted them to be, this may be a problem.One last thing. On the right hand side of the DearCupid.org site, under “Browse”, click on “Pregnancy” and read some of the stories of young women who get pregnant when they don’t want to. Most important read the advice on how NOT to get pregnant. Also might want to read these articles:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/sti-std-what-are-they-and-how-do.htmlBest of luck and hope this helps.
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