A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do guys get over a relationship so easily? How is it anyway fair to me that I am the one that has to suffer?It's been over a week since my ex broke up with me and I am coping with it quite well but I still have my days. It's not fair that I am the one that has to be sad and cry while he can sleep soundly at night. I feel like he has completely forgot about me and doesn't care anymore. Even though he told me he still loved me yet he broke up with me. I have questions for him but I feel it's too soon and would result into a fight. I need closure becasue it is not at all fair I have to endure this. How can he be so lazy and not want to call me but willing to call his best (girl) friend and keep that relationship going? How does he just forget about the last year and move on? I wish I was as heartless so I wouldnt have to deal with this sorrow.I don't know what to do, nothing works, especially my friends they are not here for me and no help. I have nothing to distract me and I get more angry and sad everyday. I havent talked to him in about 4 days, do I call him asking for closure or just endure this pain?
View related questions:
broke up, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advice. Sometimes advice is something we already know the answer to we just dont want to hear it :( This is the second time we have broke up and I think I will be able to get through it, I just felt we would be together for a long time the second time around. Life goes on I know, it just hurts because I loved him with all my heart and he didn't. Thank you again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): hi, I know how you feel, since i want to break up with my bf soon, but i'm so scared wot would be the world without him. i know wot ur sayin. But u know even now that I am the one who wants to end this relationship am suffering. I'm already crying. :( I hate to do this, but it's just inevitable n i know i have to do this someday. So, probably he is suffering too and trying not to call u, so then ya can forget about each other and have ur own life.
...............................
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 What do you mean by unfair? There is no rule that says "all parties should suffer equally". People react differently. Plus, you have no idea what is going on in his mind, or what was going on before the break up (maybe he had already broken up with you in his mind/heart a while before you two actually split).
You sound like you think your ex-boyfriend and your friends all owe you something because you've been dumped. Unfortunately, that is not always how it works. Sometimes we have to learn to become more independent and supportive of ourselves.
I know the end of a relationship is painful and sad. But, dwelling on that, or expecting someone else to be able to fix it, will only frustrate you more, and make the grief last longer. This guy doesn't call you anymore because its over. You might have hoped to remain friends, but you can't expect it. (Honestly, it sounds like you need some time and distance before that is even really possible, otherwise it will just be a continuation of your dating relationship without the sex and commitment).
My advice to you is to find your bootstraps and pull up on them. Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): Hello there - it is always easier for the person leaving then the person being left. I am sorry you are so hurt and sad. Its not fair. We risk being hurt when we love, but better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.
I know that sounds odd but think about it - Would you rather go through life without love Ever? -or risk being hurt. You may get closure someday. The truth is you are hurt and that hurt is going to be with you, until you are ready to let it go. No one can tell you what to do or how to feel.
I have been there, many times. It does not get easier. Be good to yourself, take care of yourself, love yourself.
You are perfect as you are and you will love again.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 May 2010):
 Like all the posters said, it's best to grieve alone. Showing him your sadness will do nothing to change his mind, it will just make him think poorly of you. Break-ups are hard and I wish I could give you some magical answer to make the pain go away, but I can't. No one can. The only way to fix it is time. Plus, him calling his ex or best friend or hookup doesn't mean he's sleeping soundly. Often a one night stand is his way of dealing. Girls tend to be upset and cry, while guys go out and have sex with random people and drink with buddies. It's just different ways of coping.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 You've got your closure. He broke up with you because he was not happy with your relationship anymore. End of the story. That's all you need to know- you don't need anything more to move on.
We love people and some time people are not ready or able to love us back-at least not in the way we want them to. That's all. Anger won't change that.
Don't show him you suffer. Cry if you must -but alone in your room. There's comfort in pride.
You can't believe me now- but this too shall pass.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2010): I hate to say this.. but yes, you have to go through the pain.. and no, you cant keep talking to him.. for two reasons. ..First is.. if you keep talking to him.. its going to take longer and may even be more painful for you. I've made that same mistake.. over and over again in the past..second.. if you seem like nothing is wrong.. hang out with friends.. flirt.. whatever.. you will seem more desirable to him.. he will see your fine without him.. you dont need him.. it may make him want you back.. its nice for a cuople of reasons.. vengence.. and it may make him rethink what hes done. You cant walk around telling other people how you feel though.. they will tell him or someone he knows and they'll tell him.. just be sweet, coy, and lots of fun. And who knows.. you may accidently attract MR. Right in the process...Never act out or go crying to a mans feet.. its never a postive or helpful outcome... take care
...............................
A
male
reader, AAHHawaii +, writes (3 May 2010):
I agree with CaringGuy. For the most part men generally are not as emotional as women and as such they can move on without so much of a second thought or even stop thinking about things on a whim. Have you ever asked a guy what he was thinking and he said nothing? You may think he is just trying to ignore you when really he is giving you an honest answer women don't have the ability to not think about something at any given time like men do once we make up our minds we move forward and that's it. all you can do now is love yourself and take care of yourself. A little independence goes a long way in the road to recovering from heartache.
...............................
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (3 May 2010):
 You have to move on. Grieve, cry, and be sad in close doors have a little pride in yourself and do not let him see how you hurt. He owes you no explanations because he is now your ex and ended the relationship because he wasn't feeling you and you have to accept that. Do not let him see you defeated have him see you strong, and close that chapter in your life and give yourself time and you will meet someone worth your time.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 May 2010):
There is no point in asking for closure, because you will never really get an answer. You'll get one answer, and then you'll have another question, and another, and another. He is now an ex as well, and doesn't owe you closure no matter what you say or think. It's safe to say that the reason he's over it is because he was already over it a while back. That's why he was able to break up. You have to accept that he is not the right guy for you and start to move on. You'll never get the answer as to why it went wrong, you'll never get an answer as to why he's just left all this, and why he broke up without discussing it. You just won't. So you now have to focus on yourself, or your work, or a hobby or anything and forget about him. You don't want to end up like those ex's who sit there waiting for someone to come back. You'll miss out on the rest of your life and a better guy if you do that. Let him go, never speak to him again and cut him out of your life.
...............................
|
