A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, okay, I need some advice on a break up, and what I should do about it. My girlfriend and I have been going out for nearly 3 years now, we started dating when we were 18, and now we are both 21. We've always had an excellent relationship, always making each other happy, and getting along great, there were only ever a few very minor (to me) problems. I'm a rather shy person, and she's very outgoing, good old opposites attract, right? While, I think it's a great pairing for us, she gets upset with my lack of effort into making relationships with her friends and family and the fact that I would rather enjoy a day in, then out and about more often than she would.. Now I would say that these are our only problems, and while I don't think they're that major, she clearly does, as she told me that she wants a break for a while.Now, I love her very much, and I know that she loves me too, she's just told me that while she loves me, she just doesn't feel "in love" with me anymore. I think my disposition for things might have caused her lose of spark. She has also told me that because we're young, she doesn't want her first real serious relationship to be her last.I don't know what to do, to me it seems like we have a couple issues that could very easily be worked out. I know that we both make each other happy, and while she says she's been thinking about this a while, I look back at our last few months, and see us being just as happy as we have always been. I don't know if i should let her go be herself for a while, and hope that she finds her way back to me, or pursue and try with all my might to get her back. I'm scared that if i give up, she really will go and find someone else, and I just can't seem to get over this girl and don't want to! Help!
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female
reader, Too Sensitive +, writes (11 December 2008):
There's an old saying and it goes something like this, to the best of my memory...and I've tried to live by it myself when the occasion calls for it:
When you love someone very much, let them go free. If they never return, they were never meant to be yours. And if they do return, love them forever.
I know it's difficult for you to let her go right now, but if she is asking for a break, I'd give it to her. You can let her know that you've been happy with her and your relationship and that you really don't want to let her go, but that you respect her wishes and only want her to be happy, whatever it takes for her to be happy, even if that means giving her up.
You can continue to let her know you are thinking of her by occasionally writing her. A hand-written note or greeting card that is sent through the mail is so much more personal than an e-mail shot out through the computer. Your goal should merely be to let her know you haven't forgotten her and that if and when she is ready, the door is open to come back into your life. But I wouldn't beg, and I wouldn't seem desperate, and I wouldn't demand an ultimatum either. I would speak from my heart about my feelings, though. You could also occasionally leave her a voicemail message to let her know you are thinking of her, not asking her to return your call, but just to let her know you are still thinking about her and miss her. Try not to put any pressure on her. If she feels the same way as you do, then she will call you back on her own.
In time, if it is meant to be and she truly loves you the same as you do her, she will return to you.
Whenever I've tried to break up with a guy and he just hangs on, I give in and end up staying with him for awhile longer, only to have it ultimately end anyway.
When I was your age, I broke up with someone I had been seeing for awhile. He let me go. I compared everyone after him to him, and six months later I tracked him down b/c I wanted to get back with him, realizing he was the one for me (at that time). I just needed to realize it in my own time and in my own way. Later that year we got married and had a son together the following year (though I'll be honest, we've since divorced).
Don't want to give you false hope, but anything is possible. If it is meant to be, then ultimately you will end up together. I know you don't think this at the moment, but hey, there are other possibilities as well...you may come to realize that she is NOT the one for you. You could meet someone else without trying and find that they are the right one for you instead. In the meantime, though, my opinion is that yes, you should set her free, as painful as that may be...good luck to you.
A
female
reader, nokutenda  +, writes (11 December 2008):
tell her how you feel
if she still decide to go,let her go if you are meant to be you will be
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