A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (ex boyfriend now) for a year (prior to that, we had a year and a half relationship). Since the begginging of the year, he completely changed, he used to be the sweetest guy and in the world and he suddenly started ignoring me, he would never call or text, he would lie about his whereabouts, etc. I suffered a lot of a couple of months until I decided to break it off in March after having tried to talk to him about my feelings (he would always disregard them and would tell me things like "it's all in your head", it hurt me so much breaking up with me but I thought it was the best thing to do as I no longer felt the feeling was mutual and I would cry every day over it, so I decided I should look out for myself. He didn't seem to care about this but he would occassionally email me about wanting to get back together but he would always stop replying to my emails, it completely broke my heart every time he did so. After a couple of weeks of breaking up, I found out he had been at a close friend of mine's house at around 3AM, alone. I was very upset over this, I don't know what happened, perhaps it was completely innocent, but it hurt me a lot.I also saw some pictures of him hanging out with a guy who tried to scam me in the past (and when I didn't allow this, there was some physical violence involved, I was punched in the face and insulted in front of my boyfriend and he did nothing).After this two things, I stopped being sad and became angry. Two months have passed from this incident and I am no longer angry nor hurt, I feel like I have stopped loving him but I do get sad over our break up from time to time, especially when he contacts me.Now, I am going to my hometown in four days (where he lives) and he keeps contacting me about wanting to see me when I come. I don't think it's a good idea, especially because over these three and a half months he did absolutely nothing to get me back, but now I am wondering... should I see him? or would it be a completely terrible idea? :( If you don't think it's a good idea, do provide some tips (if you can think of any) to convice myself to not see him because I know I will want to when the date comes.Even though I don't love him anymore, I am still very upset over the breakup, I am trying hard to be okay but sometimes it hurts too much, especially when pictures of him appear on Facebook and he looks completely happy without me and also when he contacts me. Sometimes I feel like I should've been more patient and I should've tried harder to solve the lack of communication issue which brought us to break up.
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female
reader, jenjole +, writes (4 June 2013):
 Firstly, you are lying to yourself because it is clear you are still in love with him. I think you are over communicating your feelings to him. In my experience with men, they do not like to talk about feelings AT ALL! It is what it is. Don't over analyze his every move. Long distance relationships are difficult and sadly out of sight out of mind, IN LESS you make him wonder about what you are doing and why you no longer care what he is feeling,doing or who he spends time with, sorry, you have to play games with men, luckily they are predictable and simple. Keep things simple, be unavailable, mysterious and because of man' competitive nature make sure he is challenged. As far as him not trying to get you back, a lot of men aren't going to try that long distance he doesn't want to chance rejection he wants to see you for that glimmer of hope, this time show him a vibrant, confident woman who won't fill her days pining over his every move because she has a life of her own, don't put it all out there, be a little aloof. I promise you if you make these small changes and he still wants you even a little he will want you more. You love him, stop fighting it, enjoy it, have fun and don't worry. I am concerned about the punch in the face thing and what kind of a punk does that, you should of had him arrested (and I am not generally a cop caller, but..)maybe your bf was afraid he may lose the fight or it was not his business at ANY rate I doubt it had anything to do with feelings for you! I hope you will keep us posted. WORK IT, girlfriend!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): OP here, I forgot to add that he keeps telling me he loves me and wants me back, I'm not sure if I belive him, though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): This guy is a narcissist. You may want to read about narcissistic behavior and continue no contact. These kind of people feed on your feelings and they have no sense of empathy. They fool you with their smooth talk, make you believe they're the greatest people in the world, until you fall in love with them. Then the real monster comes out.It is unbelievable how insensitive they can be. They are incapable of carrying how you feel. It makes them feel better to know they can still stir up sorrow and pain in you, long after they're gone. The weird thing is, they'll draw you into thinking they want to reconcile; but they'll treat you worse than before, if you fall for it. Read your description of his behavior as a reminder of what you went through until you gathered enough strength to get over him. If you didn't still have feelings for him, you wouldn't be so afraid of seeing him. You can't even trust yourself. Look at the power he has!!!The problem is, you don't fully recover; because you felt real love. It leaves deep emotional scars after the breakup. You suffered pain like you never thought you could when he hurt you.If he felt real love, he wouldn't and couldn't hurt you again and again. Your fear is based on the fact you know he will hurt you; and you know emotionally you'll be back to square one, if you let him near you again.Go home and avoid him at all costs. If you run into him,keep it cool, short, and distant. Don't show your pain, allow no tears, and put on the best poker face you can muster. You're not there to see him, you're going home to find love and to re-energize. He'll steal it all away from you.If he manages to find his way to you; give him the Oscar winning performance. Let him know you survived and you are doing just fine without him. Don't offer him any means of contact or imply you want to spend any time with him. You don't and you shouldn't. Get him out of your system once and for all. Inform your family members and friends you don't wish them to give him access to your personal information and tell them why.He only wants to see you to see if he can still tear you apart. He doesn't like the thought you are okay and you can get another man to replace him anytime you want. If you weaken and go back to him, you'll face more of the same. Please look at what you wrote and let that deter any foolish notion you want him back in your life. He'll ruin you to the degree you'll be too damaged to be happy or make anyone else happy. He doesn't want to be friends, he wants access to your heart. That's where he knows he can gain control. Trust WiseOwlE on this one. I've been there. I'm still under repair, and I'm helping others.
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