A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I guess this doesn't seem too bad but I've been with my bf now for 5 years, we got together at 15 and he now lives with me (we are both 20 now) Well I waited a year until I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend as I didn't want to rush things, so for that first year we would do other things and I enjoyed it.However now we appear to have gotten comfy, we no each other extremely well and give each other space but recently I've lost my interest in sexual activities, his energy is never ending but I'm happy to sit and cuddle. Don't get me wrong i still find him attractive and do occasionally want to do things but that's just it, it's only occasional.I don't really like giving him oral, I don't enjoy it, I get repetitive strain injury as I work with computers so often have to have my wrists bandaged which again make life difficult. I just feel guilty all this time becuase he never complains about it but deep down he thinks I don't find him attractive anymore and I don't want him to think that.How can I get myself back on track, I used to do all this stuff but now I'm losing the will.Any ideas would be great,
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your comments they are really helpful, I think you might be right about doing things a bit different.
I say he lives with me becuase he moved into my family home so I suppose that how I see it.
Thanks again for all the answers I think I will put some into practice
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): I think this sounds like a classic case of being stuck in a rut. You need to start doing things to re-ignite the passion, and not just with your boyfriend but in your own life too. Start doing things you've always wanted to do, take up hobbies or visit places you've always wanted to see. Do new things both as a couple and as an individual and see if you can get your zest for life back. It sounds as though you might be a bit down right now, and I know I for one don't feel sexy/like having sex when I'm feeling down. It's easy to get too comfortable in a relationship but it doesn't have to be like that, it just takes a little work to get things back on track. It sounds as though you still love him and want to be with him, so it's worth trying to fix it don't you think?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): Sometimes when people have been together too long, they develop feelings that are more like brother and sister than lovers. You grew up with your boyfriend, and maybe your mind is still in "friend-zone." This is my strongest suspicion based on your post. However; I touch on some other possibilities and give you food for thought. I sense you are in denial.Sometimes we hate to admit that our partners are just plain boring in bed. It gets predictable and repetitive. You mentioned some health issues, and you may need to have your doctor check you for anemia, depression, and see if there may be a reason for loss of sex drive. Don't entirely rule out something physiological. Sometimes women don't (or never) reach orgasm during sexual intercourse; and just lose interest, because sex ends once their partner has climaxed. A selfish sex partner doesn't look for your sensitive spots, he doesn't care if he turns you on, or he is sloppy and clumsy. My guess is you gave him your virginity; and you have nothing to compare to.All that you know about sex comes from him.If this is the case, don't be too ashamed to admit it to yourself. If you both study up on it, you can experiment and learn a few new and interesting things to do sexually.That is if you're willing to be open-minded and adventurous.WARNING:If you lose interest in him sexually; he will eventually lose interest in you. HE WILL SEEK FULFILLMENT ELSEWHERE!You're both too young to settle down like an old married couple in their 80's. Even people that age have a sex-life if they're healthy. Cuddling isn't what too young people in their twenties do; unless there is something physiologically or psychologically wrong. Either you're no longer attracted to him and in denial about it; or he just doesn't do anything different to keep it exciting and sensual. You two need to get some manuals and do some research. I'm not letting go of the fact that you waited a year before having sex either. You may have built-in hangups about sex; because your upbringing filled you full of guilt about it. Do you feel like you're living in sin, and you can't get it out of your head? Do your parents disapprove of your living arrangements? Did you have a falling out before you left home?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): I suspect the problem isn't with you, but lies with him. I mean, it sounds like you don't enjoy being physically intimate with him anymore whereas you used to. I would bet a significant part of the reason has to do with him - how he behaves, his expectations, any pressure he puts on you (even if subtle). "I just feel guilty all this time becuase he never complains about it but deep down he thinks I don't find him attractive anymore and I don't want him to think that."this is the thing. The very concept of physical intimacy is now tied to guilt. You have physical limitations due to medical conditions. And yet he emotionally blackmails you into feeling guilty. It sounds like he doesn't care that you have these physical limitations caused by PAIN. If he did, he wouldn't be making this all about himself and then trying to get you to feel guilty for how you are supposedly causing him to feel distressed. it sounds like he doesn't appreciate what you DO do, instead he just wants more. If any of this is true, then it is no wonder you simply dislike physical intimacy with him now, because it's all about him and your role is just to make him feel OK or good. That is a one-sided relationship and is centered on him. I would suggest you tell him how you feel, and if he complains and makes it all about himself then I think this relationship has run its course since it's not good to be in a relationship with someone who is so selfish.if you don't sort this out with him now, and yet you continue the relationship, soon you will find yourself wanting it less and less and then soon you will find that you actually dislike being intimate with him and will be looking to try and avoid it and then he will emotionally blackmail you even more and thus ruin the whole idea of "intimacy" instead the whole relationship will degenerate into him feeling like you owe him sex and you hating the very idea of doing anything with him. That may be extreme, but it's where this is headed if you don't sort out the real emotional issues here, of which he plays a big role. Don't think for a second that this is all your fault. He is making you feel reluctant, through his behavior, attitude and expectations, and he needs to own up to that.
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