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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Last summer, the summer of 2011, I went on a trip to Norway. It was only three days after the shootings in Utoya, and the explosion. I went there to meet my friends who moved there three years ago. I met a lot of interesting people, but it was all a bit sad since all of them had lost two friends on the Island. I had never experienced anything like this before, like when I went to town, my second night there, I met a guy. He had just lost his girlfriend in the shootings, and being who I am, I was drawn to him. I needed to help him so I sat with him for the whole night and we had a great conversations about all sorts of things, and mostly sad about the events.Anyway, we had a lot of fun despite the times and I really liked him. We talked for hours through facebook and when my friend and I were in town, we met up with him and other people. We didn't shut up when we were together, and we talked about everything from cute kittens to politics. I don't really know about anyone at my age who has the same interest in word topics. He's not that handsome. He is a good person and he loves his daughter more than anything. There's the catch; he's 28 years old and I'm 15, almost 16. His daughter was taken away from him by child services but I'm not sure why, and I don't just want to come out and ask him why he wasn't trusted with his own daughter.Before I left for Oslo, to stay with my uncle until I would fly home, he kissed me goodbye, telling me he really, really cared for me.I really like this guy, and he's coming here, to Iceland next year, but I don't know what to do. I have a really bad experience of older men abusing me, but I can't stay away from him. He's the only guy that has treated me this nice, not even my father cares to really take care of me.Sorry for the confusion, but my question is this: Should I act on my feelings when I meet him (we talk almost everyday on facebook), or should I just embrace the fact he's a little too old for me and I'm just a stupid teenager?It would mean a lot to me if you gave me some advice ;)
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (1 January 2012):
The fact you're asking this question means that your gut is telling you to be careful. You are obviously not a stupid teenager, but this just sounds like bad news to me. His daughter being taken away by child services is a HUGE red flag. This doesn't just happen. A lot of stuff has to go wrong before child services even get involved. Add to the fact that this guy nearing his thirties is trying to charm someone half his age and I suddenly get a feeling why child services may have gotten involved concerning his daughter. There is a good chance this guy is a predator. No respectable, kind and nice man would fall for a girl your age. I'm sorry. The men his age that go for gals your age usually do so because they can mold, groom and manipulate in ways they would never be able to with someone their own age. The decent thing to do when someone of his age happens to fall for someone your age would be to ignore it and leave you alone. I can understand that the event of him losing his gf to the shootings must have shaken him up badly (verify this btw), but something seems off here.I have fallen for older men myself, also when I was at an age where I was more naive. They were decent enough not to start anything with me even though they knew they could have. So in a nutshell: you're at a huge disadvantage here. #1. He's twice your age. Compared to him, you're naive as hell and easily manipulated even if you're mature beyond your years. That age gap is something you cannot bridge. #2. He's a grown man. You're a teenaged girl. That means he's probably a lot stronger than you. Also, with him being the adult he is the one driving the car, who has his own place, etc. He can easily manipulate/force you. #3. Child services took his daughter. BAD NEWS. Better to be safe than sorry. Stay away!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): I will be totally honest with you, and I apologise if it seems harsh. I have also had bad experiences from my past with older men abusing me as a child. I can understand your drawn to him, but I really think that it is in your best interest to not act on these feelings, he is a little too old for you and with your past bad experiences, you really don;t want to get into a situation where you may end up repeating those bad experiences. When I started getting interested in guys myself, i made a lot of silly decisions, and ended up in stupid situations because I was drawn to people who seemed nice and treated me better than what I normally had been. It didn;t take long for it to change and they were treating me in the same way I had always been treated. I hope this isn;t the case with this man, but you don't really know if what he is telling you is the truth, so I suggest not acting on your feelings, take time to get to know him really. Be friends with him and leave him at that, put your safety and wellbeing first. If he is someone who is genuine and is meant to be in your life that way, he will be when your older and are ready for it. Good Luck and be safe
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): He's an adult you're a child. He sounds like he may be trying to groom you. I'm sorry but a grown man acting like that can't be trusted. Stay away from him.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (1 January 2012):
 I would be very very careful here. Can you verify things he has told you. e.g. does he really have a daughter? did he really lose someone on the island? etc. You are right to be suspicious and that little voice inside you is often right so listen to it carefully. Something about him sounds suss to me.
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