A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been with this girl for a little over a year and I think I've fallen in love with her. We talk about our future, gettigng married one dy and have our own family. In the last month and a half or so I've noticed she's become a little distant. She barely has time for us, since she's always at her mother's house now and she has a cousin who is like a sister to her and she moved into the same town and now they're inseparable and it cuts into our time together.At my company there's this much older lady she's 43 I'm 28. She's divorced has two kids but she looks much younger and she's extremely attractive. we've been in the same company for a couple years now and she always seem to be looking at me and sort of flirting, which I never paid attention to, until two weeks ago, when she invited me to dinner at her house!Since my fiance just sort of blew me off that entire week, I decided to go to her place.We shared a bottle of wine and started talking, she had so much to talk about and if she was my age and w/o kids I'd definitely go out with her. One thing led to another and we had a passionate sex session. I feel horrible about it and I regret it because I love my fiance so much, but I'm feeling her distant. I don't If I should tell her, if I do, I know for sure I'll lose her forever. it's eating me inside. and what makes it worse is that I have to see the other woman everyday at my workplace.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): she only started getting distant within the past month and a half due to other pressures and you already have a problem keeping it in your pants.
i think you sub consciously knew what would transpire when you went over to the other womans place. and it did materialise. sex doesn't just happen. it is a conscious decision. and you made that decision when you has sex with this woman.
yes if you want a way forward then tell your fiance. then let her decide whether she can work through this mess you have made. you owe her honesty at least. that is the least you can do.
you have also been unfair with this older woman whom you have been attracted to. you need to explain to her that this was a once off. it may be an uncomfortable discussion but it has to be done. working with her and trying to avaid her will be difficult enough. you also need to do right by her and not make her feel cheap and easy.
your fiance has a big decision to make. so plse be patient as she contemplates her future with or without you. as for you, you need to ask yourself if you are feeling neglected after only a few weeks what will happen when normal married life kicks in and also routine kicks in. another affair, or more maturity and communication. if there is one thing you should learn from this - committment requires exclusivity. can you be exclusive, totally, or will you be looking for another excuse just to go do it with someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): Tell her,there is no excuse for what you have done. It is not her fault, it was your choice and a bad one at that. Its not fair to live a lie like that. Especially if you know she would leave.
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A
female
reader, Dark_Storm  +, writes (4 June 2009):
 the best thing for you to do in this situation is to tell her im afraid, its the lesser of two evils.
the worst thing would be nt to tell her and someone else doing it before you or the feelings you are going to be left with including a massive guilt like cloud over your head. its easier to live with the truth than that.
if you do love her the best thing is to be honist with her because then there might be a chance for the trust in youtr relationship to be reformed even if the relationship itself ends, however if you do lie to her the trust will completly dissapear and it will be near impossable to get back when she does eventually find out, and she will.
lying about this and seeing how easy it becomes may make u unconsiously lie about other things to her as well and thats not the road you wanna go down.
sorry but theres no easy way out this situation.
mutch love - hope it works out eventually x
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A
female
reader, happytobe +, writes (4 June 2009):
 Okay, you should definitely tell her. It would be unfair not to. If you two are as in love as you seem to believe you probably can work through your problems. Both of you need to talk about what's going on, you with your cheating, and her with spending less time with you and becoming distant. If it doesn't work out then you two aren't in tune enough for the relationship to work anyway and would have ended up in divorce from your guilt. Your guilt will eat you alive if you don't tell her. I'm really interested to hear how this goes, so if you'd let us know that'd be great.
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