A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys hope that your advices help me to take a decision.I really like my flatmate. I'm 30 and she is 29. We live together for 3 months now. We get along very well and I really enjoyed her company. I'm trying to decide if I tell her what I'm feeling about her. When I came to this place for studying I never came with the idea of found somebody, but it just happened. I had been taking my time trying to see trough her to be really sure is she also has some feeling for me, and also to check if my feelings are just an infatuation or the things that I'm feeling are real or it is just because I'm feeling lonely. But after 3 months I'm still feeling the same way and I'm not stupid and can't negate my feelings and I realize that i like her a lot. I know that in life good things are hard to find and I think that I found one of that things. Should I risk our friendship?? I think that I should. I Don't want to rush her to anything than later I will regret. But I want to do it because it's worth everything I could lose at this time. She is going out for 10 days and I'm thinking if I should tell her my feelings before she leaves in order to give her time to think about, and also to see how is my reaction when she is not near me....or should I wait until she comes back and tell her that I miss her a lot?thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys..I have some news for you. Let tell you what has happened since our last contact. I started to play a game of flirting and courtship with here for at couple off weeks ago trying to found some signs in here and trying to read if she was also interested in me. It' was really hard and finally I thought that she was also interested in me and that was a good sign to move forward. When I felt that I had build up a rapport with her we went to drank a beer and I just told her that I have a crush on her and I like her...and she told me that she like me too....and that she was really surprise about what she was feeling for me!!!!! awesome. But she asked me some time to sort things out in her mind..because she doesn't want to do a thing that she will regret later. Off course I told here that I don't want to rush the things. So now I'm just waiting and I'm giving here the time that she need to think about this.
I had notice her a little bit stressed and worry about what she is feeling or thinking...her main problem is the fact that we are flatmates and she doesn't want to creat a conflict with our 3rd flatemate.
That's all.
Now I just need to wait I don't now for how long...but I'm giving her space to think about it.
Thanks
A
male
reader, Sisyphus  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Annon, truthfully only you are in the position to best decide how to proceed. If you feel that you need to build up more o a rapport with her before telling her directly how you feel then go for it! :oD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo everybody: thanks for your answers... and new information, yes is going out for a meeting and then she is going to stay a couple of days more relaxing.
to Ask oldersister ,
I have been trying to do it, suggestive language, flirting with her. Every time that I give her or she give something in my hands I try to be a little be suggestive touching here hands and fingers carefully. But some times I'm not sure if I'm doing the right interpretation in their answers. Its really hard to see trough here..and make a neutral interpretation, because we are really good friends. Maybe she just is trying to test my perseveration but I don't want to be the rest of my life just saying her compliments and never get in action. what do you think?
To Siyphus & Tisha, your advices are really good to keep in mind. since she would have time to sort things out, but I don't want to give more problems and worrying about facing me back.
After reading all your answers I just can think in one solution. I'm going to try to be even more suggestive in my body language to her and even more flirting between us... and waiting for her return. Maybe in that time that she spend out of the flat it could be possible that I also realize that all of this is just a infatuation..which I really really doubt about it.....or maybe she is going to miss all that game that is going on between us...which will be good for me. Thus, once she would be back tell her that I miss her a lot and that I'm beginning to feel more than just friends feelings for her.
What is your opinion about this???
Thanks again
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 April 2008):
 I'd tell her before she leaves on her trip; it'll give her something to think about while she's gone and give you a bit of time to recover from the stress of revealing your feelings.
But don't make it too strong or too much of an ultimatum. Just be sure to tell her that you are beginning to feel more that 'just friends' feelings for her. Then back off and let her absorb this information. She may not reciprocate, which would be upsetting to you I know, but at least you've been brave enough to let her know! It takes courage to put yourself out there, risking rejection, and I hope she likes you back in the same way.
What do you stand to lose and what do you stand to gain by revealing your feelings? Just be gentle and not too emphatic in your revelation. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 I wouldnt tell her before as if she doesnt feel the same way she will spend her time away worrying about facing you!! I would tell her how surprised you are that you missed her so much when she was away. Maybe suggest a night out together as you'd like to spend some time getting to know her better and see what her reaction is. She might just say it's best if you dont as she doesnt want to complicate things but she might surprise you. If you bottle this up you will feel hurt if she ever brings back a boyfriend and youre preventing yourself meeting anyone too. Good luck x x
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A
male
reader, Sisyphus +, writes (29 April 2008):
I'm in exactly the same situation (only my flatmate isn't going anywhere). If you are going to tell her I recommend that you tell her before she leaves on this 10 day trip for two reasons: Firstly, it will give her a chance to sort things out in her own mind, and secondly if she recipricates then she's not going to go and hook up with some other guy. Good luck in getting the girl! :oD
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