A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i think i am asking for advice due to a few things one is my age. OK so just over a year ago i was online dating and i went on a date with a guy we had a fab date or so i thought. The next day he said i was too ' out there ' im thinking he thought i was a bit too out going where as i think he was after someone a bit more quiet. The thing is i am a quiet and shy person and on that date he knew id had a drink before meeting as id told him ( nerves ) and we were both drinking on the date. We didnt sleep with each other just a goodbye kiss. Ive come back to online dating and he has messaged me again. He doesnt know its me as i have my pictures on private. I have not replied but he has said he is looking for someone to start a family with ( both nearly 45 )and is in to the same things as me. The only thing ( i can think of ) that would have put him off is with me having a bit more confidence than usual and he must have thought i was like that all the time. Do i ignore him or should i message to say who i am and see what he says ? im willing to have a 2nd date if he wanted but if he said no then ill just put him in the past and find someone else . ive always thought first dates you never get the right impression of someone because of nerves and talking about anything and wanting to impress someone you over do things. so do i ignore or do i reply ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2018): I am the OP. i did contact him i told him who i was and how he was with me, hes said sorry , but that doesnt make me go running back for a 2nd date. Ive agreed to chat with him and see if its worth a 2nd date and yes i wont be making the drinking mistake again.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 October 2018):
 EDIT
Sorry...
It should have read...
"However, I wouldn't bet on him contacting you after this."
And little side note, I agree with WiseOwlE when someone says. I'm looking to start a family it might NOT be the actual truth. Many a "smart" guy will know that seeming to want something long term and serious is a MUCH better way to attract women than saying I just want to date around.
Also him using the "you are so out there" as an excuse to not do a second date, it's kind of low. He could have said something less RUDE. After all he didn't know you from Eve. And it also implies that there was something "wrong" with you... not him... Again... rude.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2018): I'd be leery of a guy who puts in his profile he's looking for somebody to start a family with. That's a pretty high standard to set; when you haven't met anyone to date, let alone impregnate! Don't you have to fall in-love first?
You have to date, have a courtship to get to know each other, allow something to develop between you; and then allow trust to be established; and finally, allow a well-matched relationship to evolve to the next level.
He's dangling a carrot, my dear!
It seems a bit suspicious to tell people straight-out you're looking to have a family. Considering it might not even be true. It's more often bait thrown out there to get immediate responses from desperate women. It might also be to notify women past 40 they needn't bother!
My dear, why would you want to insist on seeing someone who has already told you that you're "out there?" I can't even begin to imagine how awkward that would be; or what kind of reaction he might give, that could seriously hurt your feelings.
Pass on it! It could be misconstrued as a dating-ambush! You were once rejected, but pop-up again as if to say you're not taking no for an answer. Not only would it be beneath your dignity, but it would be rather desperate.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 October 2018):
I would just tell him who you are. However, I would bet on him contacting you after this.
I wouldn't make excuses for the last date, you don't owe him that.
IF he, however, still wants to go on a date (knowing who you are) DO NOT drink. AT ALL. Have a soda, water, whatever. And THEN if things go well you can explain what happened. But don't make it an excuse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2018): Hello
It sounds like when you both went out before there wasnt a second date. He said in so many words he didn't want a second date.
So, if your interested in him tell him it's you and go from there. With the possibility he might go. If your not interested then don't reply.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2018): Tell him who you are, what you got to lose? But he may very well ignore you, reply and say still not interested or agree to see you in which I would be thinking he has dated others, had no luck and has come back to me. I would feel he isn't seeing me as first choice.
Lastly do you want children at your age? I'm in your age bracket and wouldn't want to. I would out of sheer curiosity message him to say who I am but then I would not entertain him thereonwards, he bombed you out at the end of the day..
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