A
female
age
36-40,
*azzy22
writes:Hey, I'm so confused right now. I'm currently in medical school and I met a guy who is also in my class. We have many mutual friends, and we've hung out at a couple of parties together. My third time hanging out with him we ended up sleeping together, and have continued to do so on the weekends. It's been a couple months now and I don't know what to think of the situation! Seeing as we're both in medical school, we spend a lot of time studying (about 14 hours a day), and we usually see each other on a Friday night where we hang out, have a drink or two, and then end up at his place. I want a relationship with him, and he seems to like me, but how do I know if he's truly into me or just using me for his own personal pleasure? He took me out to dinner a couple weeks ago, told me he liked me, and we ended up going back to his place and having sex. The next day, I texted him and i got no response! In fact I didn't get a response for three days! He usually doesn't call or text me (and usually says that it's because he's so busy studying. I'll admit, he usually studies for about 12 hours a day except on a Friday, but he still makes time to play basketball, go to the gym, and eat out with his friends). I didn't text him after that, and my roommates told me that he's just not that into me. When I finally saw him, it was very awkward. He came and sat next to me and said he "forgot" to text me back because he had been studying so much over the weekend. I ended up giving him the "cold shoulder" for a few days because I was ready to just give up on him. He started texting me more often, and after I didn't respond, he came into the study room where I was and told me that he wanted to have a talk with me. During this talk he told me that he was really sorry and that he knew he messed up by not communicating with me for those three days, and that he hoped he did not mess up his chances of some day developing something with me. He said that he was losing sleep over it. I told him that I felt as if he is only in it for the sex, and he assured me that this is not so. He told me that it's very hard for him to open up to someone, and that he really does like me and would love to get to know me better. We have midterm exams next week, so we've been on study-overload these past few days, and I look forward to him taking little breaks to come by and chat with me. He says that right now since things are so hectic with exams, he would love to spend more time together after midterms.I know that we're in medical school, and it should be our first priority, but am I wrong in expecting him to text me and at least call from time to time? How do I know if he's just messing with my mind to get what he wants? We study on the same floor and he walks over to say hi and make casual conversation with me, but yet he doesn't text me or try to have any communication with me. How am I supposed to believe that he actually wants to develop something with me when he won't even make the effort to get to know me better? Should I really believe that he's too busy? I feel as if he could still do things to show that he's thinking about me. Please help!
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female
reader, Jazzy22 +, writes (8 March 2009):
Jazzy22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, so should I not have sex with him again and see if he's actually interested in ME? I realize now that I had sex with him too early. Is there ANY way to redeem myself?
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Honestly. YOu should stop overanalyzing too much out of this. If he is nice, then enjoy his kindness.
Only time will tell what his intentions are.
Right now. concentrate on yourself and passing medical school.Every second you spend thinking of him is less time on your studies. School should be the main focus.
Think about it worsecase scenerio...let's say..ya hook up.. bla bla..then he goes and break your heart.
you'll be devastated and distacted to continue your studies because you have to face him everyday.
That is why...just enjoy his company..and not get too attach to him. Let the chips fall where they may.
This is the problem when girls have sex without a relationship. It gets too confusing. Sex does not equate love to men like it does to women.
Get the relationship first. then give them the sex.
I hate to tell you but because he got the sex first..he has no interest in the relationship. I still think he's stringing you along. He likes you...but not enough to make you his.
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A
female
reader, Jazzy22 +, writes (7 March 2009):
Jazzy22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhere's an update. I was studying in the library and I didn't walk over to chat with him or anything because I figured he was busy. He came by a about 2 hours ago with chocolates and sweet treats that he thought I would enjoy while I study. It was pretty thoughtful.. or is it all part of his game to string me along and keep me there for when he wants me?
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A
female
reader, Jazzy22 +, writes (6 March 2009):
Jazzy22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the input! Is there anything I should do from now? Should I just ride it out and see what happens? Should I try to have a "talk" with him after midterms? Should I make myself less available to him? How do I make him want me? I must admit that I've been pretty Stand-offish lately because I'm not sure what his intentions are and I don't want to get hurt. We're both very good students and I'm definitely concentrating on my studying, but I can't help the fact that I'm also human and I have these feelings! I think he knows that I'm not just in it for the sex because I actually show my emotions sometimes and I've made it clear that I really want to get to know him and don't want to just be a "booty call." He told me that we should take our time and get to know each other, and if something ends up forming between the two of us then we'll take it from there. He's more with the "go with the flow" mentality and this kind of scares me. He told me that if I think that he just wants to have sex with me then we should hang out and not have sex so that I can see for myself that he genuinely likes to hang out with me. However, I'm not able to test him on this because we've been studying so much now that by the end of the day we're just so exhausted that we only have time to get back to our dorms, eat, and sleep. I can't help but to feel like he's just telling me things to keep me around. Sometimes, though, he would rather just cuddle with me and kiss me passionately for an hour or so before we do anything sexual. There have been times where I tried to initiate the "sex" during our make-out sessions and he's said "no, let's just kiss for a little longer. I feel like I could kiss you all night." This gives me mixed signals because it makes me feel like there is something more than just the sex, or else I feel like he'd be rushing straight into it. He tells me he misses me after not seeing me for the whole week, but I feel like he's just trying to be a "smooth talker" because his actions don't back up his words. I don't want to come off as needy or clingy and I don't want him to think that i'm trying to come between him and his studies but I know that if he wanted to get to know me and truly wanted to spend time with me, there are ways that he could show it. We always make time to do the things we really want to do. For instance, it wouldn't be hard to ask me to have lunch with him when he actually decides to grab a bite to eat.. or I don't see why we can't sit together when we study ( he says that I distract him and he can't study around me but I don't believe it, because I can study just fine around him!). I feel like he wants to limit his time with me so that I don't become attached. Ahhh.. I hate being so confused.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (6 March 2009):
I disagree. I think your roomate is right. "He's just not into you". You instincts are telling you this because he actions prove it. He doesn't want you as a girlfriend, but doesn't want to lose his sex supply either. (no offense)
thats why when you backed away..he came on strong, afraid to lose you. He also sounds like and unavailble guy. meaning, he wants his freedom as long as he can, but of course he needs his sexual pleasure satisfied too.
The best thing to do now is don't give him any more extra thought and attention. Concentrate on your studies. Besides..you don't need a boyfriend right now. just make sure you get our of school. Don't get distracted on this guy. If he really really wanted you, trust me... you would know. He's just not into you. so don't take it personally and move on
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): First things first! You are a med. student and you won't need a man....lol....(tech. you really don't).
I beleive that he is studying a lot also, and that is why he doesnt text, and maybe, he's just not a "texter".
Don't discuss men or relationships w/ roommates. I learned my lesson on that sev. times. Females will get all in your bus., and tell you he doesnt want you, etc., and at the same time, they could be trying to get w/ him, since they are now aware that you are having probs. (not saying your friends would do this, it is poss.).
Don't hessitate to let him know that you want a relationship w/ him, and that are really into him. He might think the same thing about you, and think that maybe you're not serious either.
Be his friend, and don't rush anything. Keep doing the same things you are doing now, and if it is meant to be, you both will fall in love.
And God forbid, use birth control! Don't get pregant and hault your dreams for someone that youre not even forsure is sure about you. Okay! Take care!
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A
male
reader, anoms  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 no offence but your not a victim in this, if you had sex instead of building a solid relasionship first then he could be thinking the ensact same thing "is it just the sex?" but not all is lost, if he's still interested as you say, then take it slowly from here, if he made time for sex he can definatly make time to get to know you better and take you out more often, but if you cant lure him away from his 14hr studies without metioning the "S" word then your relasionship may not have a future, gudluk.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 March 2009):
 I think he's being honest with you and I think he's interested in you for more than just sex. Afterall, he took the time to come all the way over to where you were studying just to say he was sorry and to tell you he's been losing sleep over it. I wouldn't be too upset about him taking time out to play basketball and eat. It's important to have food, and some physical activity even when you're swamped with studies. Timing is everything and this is probably the worst possible time for either of you to get involved with each other because of the grueling hours you need to devote to your studies in order to achieve your degree. But if you both make time for each other, be honest, don't play games, and do your best to understand what the priorities are, this relationship could actually work out and be the best thing you both can imagine. For one thing, you both have the love of medicine on your side. You will always undestand what it takes to go into the field and you'll always be able to relate to each other on that level of intellience. I would be more patient and allow this romance to unfold naturally. Be there for him when he calls and I feel he will do the same for you. But you have to allow the space for some gaps because like you said, your studies are going to take up a huge amount of time so your romance will have to fit in around that priority. Good luck.
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