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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 9 months now. This is the first serious relationship that either of us have had, and so there has been a lot of...exploration in the physical realm. In the beginning, I often got upset about what happened when we made out, and he respected that. Now, I am fine with what we do, but he has decided to work on being "good" (ie, not making out all the time). I don't totally mind this, but he has become extremely good at being "good." It has gotten to the point where I feel unattractive, unwanted, and...basically like a sister or best friend rather than his girlfriend. I usually get disappointed after we spend a day together without any attempts at affection by him. He doesn't hold my hand or kiss me or hold me. Ever. And as naive as it sounds, I do not doubt his affection for me. He is not one to cheat (believe me on this one). So...I guess my question is, should I be the one to reach out and try? Or should I respect his wishes?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): Oh, definately go ahead and make the first move. Tell him that you adore his affection, but that you don't want to fool around all the time. It's not too hard to find a balance with that. Let him know that a peck, hug, and hand-grab are wonderful, while (sometimes) a grope or tongue-down-the-throat move are not so much fun. Just let him know how you feel. And you making the first move is certainly not a bad thing. You don't want the romantic side of your relationship to go stale. You can rekindle that pretty easy. Just move in for the kill! It's easier said than done, but I'm sure you can do it! Good luck!
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reader, kt  +, writes (2 May 2006):
 erm this is a tuff one. well i would make the first move, BUT, not a big first move, you dont want to scare him off. you never know he might not like making out or he might get shy when he gets affectionate, he might even think that you dont like it. show him that he doesnt have to be shy, and show him that you like him.
when your next with him get him rub your hand on his arm or back. you could link with his arm when you walk and when you stop walking and are talking to him just stand close to him. give him compliments about how good he looks and how much you like him.
then go on to, if he responds positivly: when you are standing with him put an arm round his waist, playfully smack him on the ass, and attempt holding hands
then you can move on to kissing and stuff. if he doesnt respond well to any of this, then i think you should talk to him, ask why things are getting less, well, coupleish and more sisterish. tell him about the way you feel and if he still feels the way he did about you, and ask him where is your relationship going.
good luck i hope this helps
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