A
male
age
36-40,
*hewordthatwon
writes:I met this girl a few months ago and we really clicked. All the vibes were great and we are really close. So close that shes my neighbor! The only problem is, shes in an open relationship with this guy who is in the navy. He doesnt get discharged for another 3 years yet. All i can do is think about this girl. All day long she is on my mind. I know she has feelings for me i can tell just by the body language. We havent kissed or hooked up yet. Shes just as shy as me. But i feel if shes in love with this guy its almost wrong of me to make a move. I got too much respect for her. Me and her have talked a little about this and she deff wants to hook up. So i guess my question is should i follow through and make that first move and risk losing a good friend down the road? Or should i just wait for the navy boy to screw up and break her heart? Because he is deff an a-hole. And just the other day he made her cry from 3000miles away. I want nothing short of the best for this girl. Even if it means not being with me. Im just so depressed right now cant stop thinking about this shit.
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depressed, discharge, navy, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (22 December 2011):
 Avoid this situation how do you know for sure of what she is saying is true. she probably just wants sex. Body language only tells you a few things but intelligence will show a lot more. Plus you know how hard it would be to date someone 3000 miles away she obviously loves and cares for this navy seal. Avoid it and find someone else.
A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (11 December 2011):
If he can make her cry from 3,000 miles away what's he going to do to you when he catches up with you ??
Sail full steam ahead out of this danger zone ! There's other fish in the sea so stay healthy enough to swim around looking for them.
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A
male
reader, thewordthatwon +, writes (11 December 2011):
thewordthatwon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply. Im not sure really what to do. Im sorta taking it day by day. I do understand what you mean. I think pretty much to her im a replacment for the time being. At least emotionally that is. Im not sure what she tells her other partner : ( so im just doing what i do best which is to be there for her and to always try my best to help her or to make her smile or anything. Itll take a while but im sure someday she will love me as much as i love her. I only think this because in such a short time we have clicked. We are so alike its not even funny. So we will see.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Pursuing this woman exposes you to unneccesary and avoidable grief.
For starters, you have only her word that her relationship is open. Unless you've spoken to the boyfriend yourself or you've heard her speak honestly about you to him, then you really can't be certain.
Secondly, even open relationships have parametres. Is this one in which she can have two life partners or just casual sex on the side? And will this arrangement continue once he's back?
Third, if her primary, and presumably most important, relationship is open won't yours be as well? If she doesn't have to be exclusive to her boyfriend, why should she have to be to you? How many other men do you want to share her with? She may not be seeing anyone NOW, but that can change at any time. And what if you want to date other women? Is there a plan for that?
And finally, looking further down the road, if things do work out between the three of you, will you want to have children under these conditions? Does a multiple mother/father household strike your fancy?
In my opinion the possible rewards here do not justify the risks.
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