A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a guy for five months. He is 32 and I am 27. In the beginning we both wanted to be free and enjoy life and time together without labeling our situation. I warned him that as we progress my feelings could change and I may want to move forward with a commitment. He suggested that we see where things lead so we continued with our friendship. Unlike many guys playing the field (don't get me wrong he does play the field just not as active as some) he is honest at all costs and we spend a massive amount of time together. So as we grow (getting comfortable with some family and friends his children to be exact) I cross over from wanting an open affair to something more serious and secure. I recently presented him with this information and he is firm that a relationship is not what he wants. He says we need to get to know one another more and go with the flow. He says we should work on building ourselves first then evaluate things in January. He still wants us to play like we're together and see one another daily (as normal) and have sex a normal.I want to continue to spend time but stop having sex so that we can grow mentally and spiritually. This has caused a lot of chaos and tension. We still talk regularly but I pulled back so I don't go to his house that often and when I do I don't spend the night. I haven't had sex with him for a couple weeks. He told me today that our friendship will suffer because we aren't having sex. He hasn't made any promises and refuses to (which i respect because he is a man of his word). My mom says pull out now before it's too late and I really get hurt. I don't tell my friends about it because everyone likes him (from what they see) and I don't want to involve them in this wishy washy drama. I'm posting this question because I want an outsiders opinion. Should I stick it out (continue having sex) and wait until the new year to evaluate things (which will bring us to 8 months)? Or should I pull out now completely (not even friends) and move on?
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female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (29 October 2008):
 It could be seen as the other way around. He is blackmailing you with commitment, IOW keep seeing each other and having sex and maybe or maybe not I'll commit.
A lot of guys will do that. Make you audition for a permanent role that they have no intention of giving you. They keep enjoying the sexual benefits they are getting though.
You are in control of your body and you always have the right to stop sex if you are uncomfortable doing it.
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