A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In 10months time i will be getting married to my 3years boyfriend. Our first year of relationship didnt started out well (it'll be too long for me to tell the reason as theres loads of it) and maybe probably because of his work as well as it requires him to go just about everywhere. But we still carried on with our relationship, the second year got even rockier as i have had told him some ugly part of my past and that he had trouble accepting all those facts and still we carried on even if i have been hurting. Those second years of our relationship wherein i felt neglected and was the least of his priorities as he prefers to go out with his friends and sometimes without letting me know of his whereabouts. Until i wasnt able to stand it and broke up with him. The pathetic thing is that even though we broke up we still go out and have fun like we used to. And made the biggest mistake of asking him if he would like to give it another try with me and was turned down as he was about to go out of the country again and told me it wasnt the best time for us. Too hurt and disappointed, i moved out of the country as well as my application has just been approved like a blessing on a disguise. So i moved out here in the uk hoping to moved on easier and so i did but just after 3months of silence i recieved a call from him. We talked like we used to and he rocked again my world and was happy as he was always calling and checking out on me again. And then i brave again for the second time just what is it that he wanted from me and he told me that he wants me back from his life even if it just have to be on a long distance one. What he liked most about us is that our comfortability with each other and that he told me i am different from all the girls he had been with. And so we carried on again but this time it got sweeter and he made me feel things he hasnt before. He efforts to call me everyday through videocalling and chatting. I felt the love and sincerity this time around and surprised me about 3months ago and proposed via videocall and i agreed to marry him. The problem started when i got messages coming from a girls bf whom he had been having a secret affair. I called him and confronted about it and he just denied and told me that they were just friends and so i believed him as i havent got any proof anyway. The second time i caught him when i saw his thread messages in his facebook account having flirty conversation with a female friend. He always had this alibi that they were all just friends. Unti just recently when i opened his fb account as you can see previous conversations from friends if not deleted and read through them confirming the old issue that he had a secret affair with the girl who happens to have a bf and that they just kept it because it was purely physical as he told his friend.Having read that confirming all what he had just denied was like a slap on my face. I couldve understand him had he not lied about it he was just a man and that it has been two yrs since we havebt been together and that he shouldnt have kept me on the relationship if he cant practice abstinence. Now i am so cobfused wether i should marry him or not as this hasnt been the first time he had lied and God knows cheated as well. I hope to be enlightened as preparations for the wedding has already been made.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): Thank you all for your responses to this post. It is highly regarded and appreciated. I am considering all your advices here. But the thing is I am still so inlove with my fiancee right now. I have spoken to her sister as we have gotten close since the wedding preparations and shes one of my bridesmaid as well. She was so saddened about hearing the truth but asked me if i could still reconsider her brother as i am the only he had brought home amd introduced to his family. I am really torn about this problem right now.:(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): Do not marry him, wedding plans well advanced or not. Why tie yourself to someone who does not make you happy on all levels? Infact, end the relationship and move on - you only get one stab at life so don't throw away your chances of meeting someone who is really right for you.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (21 December 2011):
 dont marry this man marriage wont change who he is it will just trap you and make you unhappy. you seem like a caring a and sweet woman you deserve better someone who is truthful and appreciates you. If you marry him he will still continue his ways he wont change. you cant change him.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (21 December 2011):
 Your relationship has been bad since the begining and now it is getting worse.. do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a liar and a cheat? Is that what you think you deserve??
Oh, I am sure the bf of the woman he was 'not' having an affair with has enough evidence to prove they were in fact having an affair.
Call off the wedding now before it too late, oh, and be honest to anyone who asks why - YOU REFUSE TO BE CONSIDER A LIFE WITH A LIAR AND A CHEAT, YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 December 2011):
 So, the first year was bad, the second year was bad, the third year was bad,.... and the fourth year you want to marry him ? It makes no sense.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): NO you should not get married! This is your last chance to save your dignity and your self worth.
what will getting married to him accomplish? It will be more of the same, EXCEPT that if you should ever in future decide you can't take it anymore (remember how you've been feeling already and magnify it by a hundred) it will be even harder to walk away if you have a legal marriage contract between you and mutual financial investments like a house together or worse if you have children together who will make leaving for your own sake into a can of worms.
now is your last chance to do the right thing and end this relationship for good. better late than never!
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