A
male
age
30-35,
*icoge21
writes:me and this girl I know have been in a sort of internet relationship for about 2 or 3 years. Well actually we were in one for about 5 months and then we lost contact. So I guess you can say it was over. This was in 2006-2007. Forward to may 2008 and I found her again. We stayed in contact and in july 2009 we decided to start it up again. She tells me she decided to move down here to be with me. (heh, i'm 18, 20 in 2 years, her, 16, 18 in 2 years, i know...i know....crazy). Everything seemed fine, we talked every day for hours, shared pictures, all that. Asked each other questions, got to know each other more. As the days went on I started getting suspicious of who she was talking with (and this was in the real world, not only online, i know, dumb). She told me about some guy she knows that was frustrated because she was commiting herself to me. I didn't really think anything of it, and meanwhile I kept getting suspicious of what she was doing. Because after all, who wouldn't in this situation? I know there are differences between long-distance (where both people were already together in person and went seperated directions) and internet relationships (far away, never met before). I used to go in her email inbox and read her emails she sent to people, and I spotted one where she had said to this kid that she had no idea why she was with me. It kept me wondering what she was up to. Few days later she says she just wants to be friends, being far away is hard, you dont trust me, i feel more guilt then love. Of course I was dissapointed about it, and then she starts throwing in my face that this other guy (as mentioned above) was better then me because he trusts her, loves her, blah blah blah. I was upset about it I'll admit it. For a few days she did nothing but rub it in my face. I kept trying to get her to talk to me and she would just ignore me and send me profanity filled emails back and forth. Then she sends me an email out of the blue putting words in my mouth. This is what she said to me yesterday:Quote:You cant have me and thats that. the first time we were together I GAVE UP 8 GUY FRIENDS because you demanded i not have any friends that were guys. only a week after you left without even saying goodbye. waking up every morning feeling like i HAD NO REASON TO LIVE.then when i decided to move on and forget it all, you appeared out of no where. And then....i just didnt feel the same as before. I lost the feeling. you didnt, but I DID. I was stuck between the damn waking memory, and being angry at you for leaving WHILE angry at myself because i felt like it was MY fault you left.2 days ago you were all happy and fine with "friends" then the next day you were all pissy. and yeah i was worried of moving down, and all this shit thats happened, again. i dont want to even try anymore. why bother? to be UNSURE of the person i am with? TO NOT KNOW who i am moving to?******** is at least making an effort so my parents and I know what he is like AKA next year when he comes down.To you...I keep saying ALL the wrong things. you keep thinking it has to do with friends, or w/e and it DOESNT. I just get frustrated. and you mentioned you are actually quiet. no offense but being a talker, i actually need someone who talks as much as i do. and you....just dont. and i dont expect you to change. and since you blamed ****** for ME breaking up with YOU I am disliking you very much.YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I BROKE UP? HUH? DO YOU? DO YOU REALLY ****ING KNOW ME THAT WELL, THAT YOU THINK SOMEONE ELSE BROKE US UP? ****ING TIMES HAVE CHANGED. I DONT FEEL THE SAME. you wouldnt make an effort for my graduation so my parents and i could get to know you. so why bother? so dont bitch at me. I DONT KNOW YOU AT ALL! I DONT WANT TO MOVE DOWN TO SOMEONE THAT I BARELY KNOW IN RL.We're back on a good level again, and I was as honest as I could be with her, and that was that I am willing to at least see if we both have chemistry together. She says she doesn't know. She says if by the end of the year her other "relationship" doesn't work, maybe.I was able to push some good thoughts into her head a while ago. Here's a convo we had:I told her:I don't talk as much? You never even seen me in person. You don't know what I'm like. You don't know what I do. You don't know ANYBODY on the internet. You don't love anybody on the internet either. You're in love with words on a screen and the personality/image people present to you. Read everything I read? I've been talking with people about it all this time and you're gonna end up just like me. Putting words in my mouth I see. Not making an effort? When the hell did I say that? I never did. Get to know you and your parents when the hell did I say I wasn't gonna do that? I never did. These are all stupid excuses which you always like to bring up. You never looked me in the eyes before. You never touched me. You have no idea what my real life personality is. You have NO IDEA what I am like. You know what my internet personality is like, but what does that matter? Real life is what counts.After I told her that she was typeless. She says she's gonna be single for the rest of her life. (ugh.........how many times have we heard 16 year olds say that?)M: your 16 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you.H: so?H: I AM WISERH: DO YOU KNOW MY LIFE?M: your mind makes up fantasies, everyone does at a young age.H: YOU KNOW THE DAMNED I SAVED?M: EveryoneH: THE SUICIDAL I GAVE LIFE TO?H: THE SORROW THE PAIN THE ANGER I TOOK AND MADE MY OWN?H: i am the LAST WolffeH: you know that group?M: But far away internet relationships, no way. Not unless you are older and are stable. Especially not cross country.M: so you think your chances with him will be 100% better then with me? or what?H: when did i say that?M: you have your whole little fantasy planned outM: ALOT can happen in a yearH: i wont even look you in the face if you dare come.M: because in the email you said you never will see my real personalityM: Right now you have your fantasy locked down and optimism flowing through you. But reality will show it's toll.M: when you think you can make something a reality without looking at all the little details and the down sides you can run into trouble.M: internet relationships..........*****..........its not easy.......it isntM: neither are real life onesM: do you know how much work it is for people in REAL LIFE relationships?M: I want someone who's strong minded, mature, and faithful, you, or at least the image you've drawn into my mind of you, shows me you can have those things, but over the internet it's not possible.H: you might get no chance.H: if next year i like what i see of ****** then i stay with ******.H: you continue to act upH: i wont even look at you.H: or act like you exist.H: depends how you act by that timeI've known this girl for around 4 years now, and I really like what I see in this girl but she just doesn't know what she wants. I know she doesn't. She tells me she does, but really.....no. (you don't, deep down, you're more nervous then ever.) From the little that I do know about this guy, he's 20 or 21, is an alcoholic, and has did things with whores before? I don't know if that one's true though. She says she's gonna go stay here in the USA with him for a while.I just don't want her to get into something dangerous. She fanatasizes alot. She did it when we were close.It just disgusts me how she really thinks its gonna work out between her and this guy more then it would with me (if there was a chance to see). What do you guys think will happen? Will reality show itself to her eventually? I'm already seeing the reality of it. I want to visit her and see how things go but she's obviously caught up in so many things and doesn't know what she wants.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Markingbad  +, writes (28 October 2009):
 I don't talk as much? You never even seen me in person. You don't know what I'm like. You don't know what I do. You don't know ANYBODY on the internet. You don't love anybody on the internet either.
Well thats true.
. You never looked me in the eyes before. You never touched me. You have no idea what my real life personality is. You have NO IDEA what I am like. You know what my internet personality is like, but what does that matter?
Real life is what counts.
Uh hu. Thats true as well.
Its sad to think that 14-16 year olds are wasting so much time and effort on something so unhealthy. Get out off your ass. Forget about this girl.
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